I decided to take this time to write a post in regards to what happened recently. Picking up from Oct, I was busy doing a few gigs, I took a 2 months break and I think I was well paid for the jobs so I waited for the ultimate moment for the ultimate job that I was falling back on. It was in early Jan and I did not prepare much. I managed to cleared all the rounds of the interview till the final round. After that would be medical check-up. I did not know what was to come. I think I could have prepared better. The question asked was typical and probably they wanted clique answer. I beat around bushes, thinking back, I think my respond was kind of too serious, so to speak. The outcome of the interview was immediate. The HR came out and said to me "Eugene, you did not make it. Thanks for coming."So i failed and i left the place. The scene of me walking out along the long hallway to the carpark right to my bus stop feels like i'm voted out from survivor or apprentice show.
I was moody for awhile, maybe 1 week. And i decided to try again for the interview in March. In the meantime I was desperately looking for any ad hoc jobs available and went for a few extras role. I signed up for the stanislavski course. I'm thankful that the few roles that I got paid for and my cny ang hao money covers the course and a bit of my living expenses. The course was invaluable and fun. Make a few friends and most importantly i discovered so much more in-depth stuff about performing which I could not have otherwise.
One incident struck me during these period was when I was supposed to do a very small role for TV. I read my lines and i think i'm good. Then came all the veterans and we rehearsed, I got a bit nervous but was still able to listened to direction. When actual take came I fumble my lines. Then the actors corrected me, I was okie, I was alright although I tell myself why was it necessary because the lines are simple. AD wanted to change the line because of technical issue then director said better not. He said so simple line already cannot still want to change ah? No no no. Finally I did my best and left. I don't think I did well judging from the playback I watched but everyone moved on because it was just a very minor role and nobody gives a damn. The veterans had at least 10 to 20 times more text than mine and they fumble here and there. But its okie, its their show and have to do it till they get it right.
Another minor role came and I got over it for awhile. But everytime when I think about it even now gets me disturb. Not because I didn't do well. But the skeptical mindset of people working in the tv drama department. Just because we are in a certain category doesn't mean we are at our limitation with no rooms to improve. And I think every actors are different because we are human beings. Executing "sad" doesn't mean there is only 1 standard way of doing it. Likewise for any other expression. We shouldn't mimic. But why is it they accept mediocre standard and think it is what they or the audience want?
Another issue is at one time I can be a playing lead for a documentary drama and the next moment i'm playing an extras or minor role in the next project. This is definitely challenging me in many ways because there is no way I can tell if i'm developing my career or improving my performing. I'm just living through the motion, because of what life throws at me, I cannot be picky at every single projects. I cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel, I'm living each day trying to move forward. Which is why I wanted to gave up or perhaps take a break. And to add on, something is not very right here, in the past 2 years when I applied for 10 castings in a month, I get called for 1-2 auditions. This year haven't been nice despite whatever fengshui master says or even what Pastor mentioned. These 2 months I have applied for over 20 castings and only 1 replied. I'm even afraid to acknowledge that I'm an actor because of fear. Fear of expectation, fear of judgement, fear of attention maybe? I always tell people this is my hobby, what I do part time. But no this is my calling I know it very clearly. I want to do it for as long as I can if possible.
To date, I had went for 65 auditions, 32 auditions since I quit my full time job. Been involved in 64 projects, of which 55 as actor, and of which close to 40 projects as an extra. In the end I know it is just a number. When I looked at my CV, yes I have made money from the jobs but on the whole, looking at it from a bigger picture I know I made big big sacrifices. Minus off living expenses, my driving course and the courses I have taken over these 2 years, I think I made losses, that is including opportunities cost loss.
Fast forward to Mar, I went for the 2nd time interview. I made it all the way to the final round again. This time I'm more prepared. I was praying very hard and even told some of my friends about it. I did not have any vision like I did for my driving test. Despite having been through the process I am still anxious. The final round was delayed. The time came, while walking towards the long pathway to the center I even thanked God that I managed to be able walked this path again. It is surreal really. I don't think many can do likewise. I managed to answered every question smoothly. Too smooth I feel. The wait for the outcome was longer than the 1st time. The HR guy came and said "Eugene, Thanks for coming. You did not make it." I was devastated. But different from the 1st time. Because I know I wouldn't change anyway on how I replied the interviewer. Was it down to luck? I really don't know. The encouragement from the people around me was try again. My peers even say i'm an old bird already because I'm experienced in the interview process. Truth is i'm not old bird but a damn loser that had never make it pass the final round.
This experienced made me reflect on many things. Like I should have quit my full time job eariler. 3 years is too long to stay in a job you know you are not going to develop a career on. I should went for the interview earlier too and not at the start of this year. Age may played as a factor but I don't know. Now my savings could only last me till the end of the year. I'm beginning to wonder if I have been in a delusion and if i have make the right choices. Will I try again for the interview? Pretty tiring process I assure you. I loved to but the waiting time also proves challenging to my patience. I should not have take it as a backup plan like as though I can passed all the rounds like a boss. When it is not your priority and one day you make it your utmost priority, it might be too late. It all started with a dream to fly. I will try again and see how. When I feel it is time to move on, I will. Now I got an interview to teach and i'm also equally excited.
Church life haven't been smooth as well. My cg leaders are pragmatic. With them around, you will never feel destined to reign or feel like this is the day the Lord has made. And the only time they would contact me is when they needed my assistance. As i'm writing this now at this very moment I have decided to chao geng today's cg. I was asked to serve and I agreed but now that I think about it, I feel like I need to be accountable to the leaders, the members and fellow servers.I'm sorry Jesus. I have to be honest I have been pretty jaded with life.. not work as I don't have a job. I was supposed to share devo once every 2 weeks and I wondered if anybody really read the chat group or if it really impacts anyone despite so much effort put into it. Feel like saying 老子不干了!
Ministry is the same, either they called you up to serve or it is just devo if not workshop. One thing about the group setting in ministry or cg meeting is there is always breakup to groups to share about life. How is our life is going and I really have nothing to share. I haven't really got a life. A day can passes by and all I did is just applying for 1-2 casting, reading a book, going out for a jogging. I don't even interact much. I don't know how people feel. Maybe that I'm just a mysterious person or I good for nothing. Sometimes I really do feel like sharing. Like oh i'm stuck at the certain stages in doing my plot of my feature length script. or i'm doing research for my script. Do people understand or will they be interested? oh will it be "wow you are making a movie?!". I'm just afraid when I shared, people are more interested in what I do then the problems I faced.
Nothing has been right for me this year. Looking back at my last year post about driving and telling myself one day if i really got the job, nobody will bothers if you have tried 1 time, 3 times or 5 times or 20 times. Having said that I hope I don't break a record for the biggest loser for trying so many times without getting it though. I'm even embarrass to tell those I know that i'm applying for this job for sometime now.
Now what do I do now? coz I don't what to do..Lord Help! I'm in need of your Grace. Finding Grace...
Friday, April 22, 2016
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Failure
The secret of success is a magic potion called "failure"
Hear ye hear ye. All fans of Harry Potter. When the real headmistress of Hodwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry speaks, all of you do well to listen. Of course, we are not referring to Albus Dumbledore, the fictional head of the school, but the maestro behind the masterpiece. Joanne Rowling or J.k Rowling as she is better known. Life was not always a bed of roses for Ms Rowling.
Before she was successful she hit "rock bottom" -as she experienced the death of her mother, divorce and poverty some years after her graduation. But unknown to many, it was such "failure" that made her the billionaire that she is today.
In her own words, this is an excerpt from her commencement address, aptly called "The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the importance of imagination", which she delivered at the Annual Meeting of the Harvard Alumni Association in 2008.
The importance of experiencing failure
"What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure. I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak.
Ultimately, we have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it is fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere 7 years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale.
An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless, The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.
Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution, I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant s stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me.
Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.
Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attain by passing examination. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected. I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies
The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity.
The power imagination
"Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the foundation of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathize with humans whose experiences we have never shared.
One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greeks author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.
That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch either people's lives simply by existing.
We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already, we have the power to imagine better"
Hear ye hear ye. All fans of Harry Potter. When the real headmistress of Hodwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry speaks, all of you do well to listen. Of course, we are not referring to Albus Dumbledore, the fictional head of the school, but the maestro behind the masterpiece. Joanne Rowling or J.k Rowling as she is better known. Life was not always a bed of roses for Ms Rowling.
Before she was successful she hit "rock bottom" -as she experienced the death of her mother, divorce and poverty some years after her graduation. But unknown to many, it was such "failure" that made her the billionaire that she is today.
In her own words, this is an excerpt from her commencement address, aptly called "The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the importance of imagination", which she delivered at the Annual Meeting of the Harvard Alumni Association in 2008.
The importance of experiencing failure
"What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure. I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak.
Ultimately, we have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it is fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere 7 years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale.
An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless, The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.
Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution, I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant s stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me.
Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.
Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attain by passing examination. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected. I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies
The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity.
The power imagination
"Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the foundation of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathize with humans whose experiences we have never shared.
One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greeks author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.
That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch either people's lives simply by existing.
We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already, we have the power to imagine better"
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Wisdom from Jack Ma
Great leaders do not fade away. They just step aside so that the next generation can take over and take the organization to greater heights. That's what Jack Ma, the charismatic man behind Alibaba Group did, even when he was at the height of his career. The billionaire stepped down from his post as CEO of Alibaba Group as of 10 May 2013.
That day was coincidentally the 10th anniversary of Taobao, Alibaba's version of eBay or Amazon, That day was filled with songs and dances, despite it being Jack Ma's last day as CEO as he moves on to become chairman of the conglomerate -with Jonathan Lu helming the CEO position. This is what he told his staff that, as reported by Tech in Asia.
The importance of trust
"What is the thing that has made Alibaba what it is today? What is the thing that has made me what I am today? I have no reasons to succeed. Alibaba and Taobao have no reasons to succeed either.
But today, we have walked so far and for so many years, with so many aspirations for the future, I believe it is trust that has made us walk this far.
When no one believes in the future, we chose to believe.. we chose to trust.. that 10 years later, China will be better. We chose to believe that our colleagues will do better than myself. I believe the younger generation of Chinese will do better than us. I'm thankful that my colleagues have trusted me. It's tough to be CEO but being a CEO's employee is even tougher.
All of you are building a new kind of trust. This trust helps to make the world more open, more transparent, and more responsible. I feel proud of you.
I can walk till today all thanks to everyone's trust. Because of trust it has made the journey easy. I believe and I also urge everyone to support and trust Jonathan Lu and the team as you have always supported and trusted me.
The importance of embracing change
Computers are fast, the internet is even faster. When we haven't really understood what is mobile internet, big data comes along. Times of change are for the younger generation.
Today, a lot of young people think that big companies like Google, Baidu, Tencent and Alibaba took all your chances to succeed. Ten years ago, when we saw numerous giant companies, we were also once lost and worried. But ten years of determination, we have walked to today. If it wasn't a time of change, the younger generation would not have a chance. We don't need a rich father to succeed, What we have is determination and a vision.
A lot of people hate change, but because we have embraced this change that's why we have a future. The next 30 year, this world and China, will have even more change. This change is an opportunity for everyone. Grab this chance. It's only in times of change that someone can be clear of what he has and wants, and what he needs to give up.
Building Alibaba for 14 years, i'm honored that I'm a businessman. Business people in this age aren't just doing business for profits. I think we are the same as any artists, educator and politician who's doing our best to make this society complete.
14 years in business made me understand life, hardship, determination, and responsibility. It also made me understand that when other people succeed it means we have succeeded as well. What we look forward to most is the smile on our employees' faces.
An ongoing mission
"Building a company to this size, I feel humbled and proud, What we achieved today, has greatly surpassed the efforts we have put in. This society, at this time, for Alibaba to continue to prosper, we have to solve problems in society. There are so many problems in society and these are opportunities for everyone. If there isn't any problem, then there's no need for all of you.
All people of Alibaba, please continue to serve small businesses. Because small businesses are where most of the Chinese dreams live. 14 years ago, we set a mission that there will be no business too hard to do, helping small enterprise to grow.
Today, this mission lies in your hands. People say e-commerce and the internet created an unfair advantage. But my understanding is that the internet created a truly fair platform
Handing over the baton
"To make sure a company doesn't age and make no mistakes, I chose to believe the younger generation. By believing in them, you also believe in the future. So I will not return to Alibaba as CEO. There's no use for me to return because all of you will do better.
Moving forward, I will be doing things that I'm interested in, such as working on education and the enivornment. Besides work, let's work hard together to improve China. Let the water be clear, the sky be blue, and the food be safe."
That day was coincidentally the 10th anniversary of Taobao, Alibaba's version of eBay or Amazon, That day was filled with songs and dances, despite it being Jack Ma's last day as CEO as he moves on to become chairman of the conglomerate -with Jonathan Lu helming the CEO position. This is what he told his staff that, as reported by Tech in Asia.
The importance of trust
"What is the thing that has made Alibaba what it is today? What is the thing that has made me what I am today? I have no reasons to succeed. Alibaba and Taobao have no reasons to succeed either.
But today, we have walked so far and for so many years, with so many aspirations for the future, I believe it is trust that has made us walk this far.
When no one believes in the future, we chose to believe.. we chose to trust.. that 10 years later, China will be better. We chose to believe that our colleagues will do better than myself. I believe the younger generation of Chinese will do better than us. I'm thankful that my colleagues have trusted me. It's tough to be CEO but being a CEO's employee is even tougher.
All of you are building a new kind of trust. This trust helps to make the world more open, more transparent, and more responsible. I feel proud of you.
I can walk till today all thanks to everyone's trust. Because of trust it has made the journey easy. I believe and I also urge everyone to support and trust Jonathan Lu and the team as you have always supported and trusted me.
The importance of embracing change
Computers are fast, the internet is even faster. When we haven't really understood what is mobile internet, big data comes along. Times of change are for the younger generation.
Today, a lot of young people think that big companies like Google, Baidu, Tencent and Alibaba took all your chances to succeed. Ten years ago, when we saw numerous giant companies, we were also once lost and worried. But ten years of determination, we have walked to today. If it wasn't a time of change, the younger generation would not have a chance. We don't need a rich father to succeed, What we have is determination and a vision.
A lot of people hate change, but because we have embraced this change that's why we have a future. The next 30 year, this world and China, will have even more change. This change is an opportunity for everyone. Grab this chance. It's only in times of change that someone can be clear of what he has and wants, and what he needs to give up.
Building Alibaba for 14 years, i'm honored that I'm a businessman. Business people in this age aren't just doing business for profits. I think we are the same as any artists, educator and politician who's doing our best to make this society complete.
14 years in business made me understand life, hardship, determination, and responsibility. It also made me understand that when other people succeed it means we have succeeded as well. What we look forward to most is the smile on our employees' faces.
An ongoing mission
"Building a company to this size, I feel humbled and proud, What we achieved today, has greatly surpassed the efforts we have put in. This society, at this time, for Alibaba to continue to prosper, we have to solve problems in society. There are so many problems in society and these are opportunities for everyone. If there isn't any problem, then there's no need for all of you.
All people of Alibaba, please continue to serve small businesses. Because small businesses are where most of the Chinese dreams live. 14 years ago, we set a mission that there will be no business too hard to do, helping small enterprise to grow.
Today, this mission lies in your hands. People say e-commerce and the internet created an unfair advantage. But my understanding is that the internet created a truly fair platform
Handing over the baton
"To make sure a company doesn't age and make no mistakes, I chose to believe the younger generation. By believing in them, you also believe in the future. So I will not return to Alibaba as CEO. There's no use for me to return because all of you will do better.
Moving forward, I will be doing things that I'm interested in, such as working on education and the enivornment. Besides work, let's work hard together to improve China. Let the water be clear, the sky be blue, and the food be safe."
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Hong Kong Superman Li Kang-Shing
Incredible wealth
The bloombery Billionairs Index as of October 7, 2013 states that Mr Li is the richest person in Asia, with a net worth of $28.8billion. The Chairman of the Board of Hutchison Whampoa Limited (HWL) and Cheung Kong Holdings, he is the world's biggest operator of container terminals, as well as the largest health and beauty retailer. He was named Asia's Most Powerful Man, Li Ka-Ching by Asiaweek in 2001.
On his wealth
According to Bloomberg and Reuters, Mr Li has claimed that "in at least the past 10 years, foreign magazines had underestimated my wealth by half". Yet, he states "it is not important if you are a tycoon or not. The 86-year old magnate said in an interview with mainland Chinese news website Caixin's founder Hu Shuli: "I was poor before, I understand what it is like to worry about having to make ends meet everyday."
Turning the lemons of life into lemonade
Mr Li went through a difficult time in his youth, calling life in Hong Kong "truly harsh and often cruel". His father, whom he loved very much, had passed away when Mr Li was still a teenager, leaving him to provide for his widowed mother and young sliblings without education, and hardly any support. He shares, "You are capable of turning the lemons life throws at you into lemonade. When you develop a map for your soul, you will discover the part of you that loves life, the part of you that is analytical, capable and responsible, and the part of you that is principled, ideadistic, and able to serve society with selflessness"
Depending on himself
When Mr Li was 14 years old, a fortune teller told him that his future did not look promising. Despite that, he knew it was up to him to change his destiny."I knew the only future I could count on is that I shall build for myself. Yes, the odds were stacked against me... but I know it is no use to weep for things that life takes away. I already recongised that my better future is dependent upon a better me."
On knowledge
Mr Li has been quoted as saying "We are approaching a new age of synthesis. Knowledge cannot be merely a degree or a skill... it demands a boarder vision, capabilities in critical thinking and logical deduction without which we cannot have constructive progress. Vision is perhaps our greatest strength... it has kept us alive to the power and continuity of though through the centuries, it takes us peers into tge future and lends shape to the unknown."
The future
Mr Li once said: "The future may be made up pf many factors but where it truly lies is in the hearts and minds of men. Your dedication should not be confined for your own gain, but unleashes your passion for our beloved country as well as the integrity and humanity of mankind"
Mr Li's 6 secret to success
1. Go with the times. Be agile and flexible to act according to circumstances only then will you accomplish something big.
2. Honesty is the best policy. An honest businessman wins the hearts of many and integrity is the basis of success.
3. Make friends, not enemies. Yur friends and partners will help you grow your wealth.
4. There is no shortcut to hard work. Young people should take to hardship like they do to tonics.
5. Work harder than the next guy. When others put in 8 hours of work, i do 16.
6. Don't pray for success. Success is 10% luck abd 90% diligence.
The bloombery Billionairs Index as of October 7, 2013 states that Mr Li is the richest person in Asia, with a net worth of $28.8billion. The Chairman of the Board of Hutchison Whampoa Limited (HWL) and Cheung Kong Holdings, he is the world's biggest operator of container terminals, as well as the largest health and beauty retailer. He was named Asia's Most Powerful Man, Li Ka-Ching by Asiaweek in 2001.
On his wealth
According to Bloomberg and Reuters, Mr Li has claimed that "in at least the past 10 years, foreign magazines had underestimated my wealth by half". Yet, he states "it is not important if you are a tycoon or not. The 86-year old magnate said in an interview with mainland Chinese news website Caixin's founder Hu Shuli: "I was poor before, I understand what it is like to worry about having to make ends meet everyday."
Turning the lemons of life into lemonade
Mr Li went through a difficult time in his youth, calling life in Hong Kong "truly harsh and often cruel". His father, whom he loved very much, had passed away when Mr Li was still a teenager, leaving him to provide for his widowed mother and young sliblings without education, and hardly any support. He shares, "You are capable of turning the lemons life throws at you into lemonade. When you develop a map for your soul, you will discover the part of you that loves life, the part of you that is analytical, capable and responsible, and the part of you that is principled, ideadistic, and able to serve society with selflessness"
Depending on himself
When Mr Li was 14 years old, a fortune teller told him that his future did not look promising. Despite that, he knew it was up to him to change his destiny."I knew the only future I could count on is that I shall build for myself. Yes, the odds were stacked against me... but I know it is no use to weep for things that life takes away. I already recongised that my better future is dependent upon a better me."
On knowledge
Mr Li has been quoted as saying "We are approaching a new age of synthesis. Knowledge cannot be merely a degree or a skill... it demands a boarder vision, capabilities in critical thinking and logical deduction without which we cannot have constructive progress. Vision is perhaps our greatest strength... it has kept us alive to the power and continuity of though through the centuries, it takes us peers into tge future and lends shape to the unknown."
The future
Mr Li once said: "The future may be made up pf many factors but where it truly lies is in the hearts and minds of men. Your dedication should not be confined for your own gain, but unleashes your passion for our beloved country as well as the integrity and humanity of mankind"
Mr Li's 6 secret to success
1. Go with the times. Be agile and flexible to act according to circumstances only then will you accomplish something big.
2. Honesty is the best policy. An honest businessman wins the hearts of many and integrity is the basis of success.
3. Make friends, not enemies. Yur friends and partners will help you grow your wealth.
4. There is no shortcut to hard work. Young people should take to hardship like they do to tonics.
5. Work harder than the next guy. When others put in 8 hours of work, i do 16.
6. Don't pray for success. Success is 10% luck abd 90% diligence.
Friday, October 2, 2015
Letting it all out
Okay I felt like I need to share this somewhere or talked to someone so I decided to write this. It has been bothering me to the point that it is very distracting. I can't focus on what is important at hand. I have a role that I need to do. Pretty intensive shoot and lots of preparation to do but I can't focus because of this and I hope by writing it down here, I'm letting it all out and be removed from the distraction.
Recently I wrote an article in March "Absurd" and I was talking about Person A. Maybe I name him KS. Yes he contacted me after 5 months of not seeing each other. He invited me to the a Chinese film festival to watch really awesome films and we started talking about films. He approached me to joined the cathay film marathon. Initially I was pretty reluctant because having observed him and knowing him too well, I know he can't really direct and take the lead in small projects like this. I was pretty clear that I did not want to take the lead. But I did found a great friend who was willing to joined us and provide all the technical expertise.
Throughout the process I was pretty disturbed at how he handled many things. In order to take part in the competition we needed tix stub and he mentioned we could watched 2 movies together and that would make up 4 stub. In the last minute he pushed the responsibilities to me and gave excuses that he was busy at work and all of the sudden I needed to get 4 tix stub out of nowhere. Thankfully God helped me at that point of time. I felt pretty helpless honestly.
Next while we were planning he was laying his expectation. Competition was from sat to tue evening so he mentioned he did not take leave from work so he expected to shoot by sat or sun morning and upload the film on mon morning. Honestly I cannot tell if he was joking but that really shows high expectations with little knowledge of his limitations and the "can't be bother attitude". Obviously that amount of time to make a film, you want to make every single minute counts.
Then in the process we came out with more than 10 different ideas but he was just not confident of directing. 48hrs before the submission he said he was not feeling well and wanted to give up since we could not agreed on what ideas to produce. I felt health was more important above anything else and if the intensiveness of the competition had made him unwell then we give it up. About few hours later, he said okie lets do a simple one. He sent the script to us and I felt that it so vague with no proper format and standard. I feedback a little and he asked me to scout for location, liaise with our friend, find the actress and churn out the script. That moment I felt all responsibilities rest on my shoulder. Another moment where I felt helpless and in awe with his behavior.
During the shoot he started compromising. He wanted to do one take with a steadicam but did not clarify with our helper friend. Miscom along the way and realized actually we had steadicam but he did not used it. After the shoot we spent a good 2hrs chilling and having lunch not realizing that we had only 8hrs to edit. In the end we submitted late due to poor planning and management. I could see the disappointment in KS's face because he doesn't have much opportunity to make film and when opportunity is there he wanted to make a good one.
In my heart, when he approached me before the competition, I already knew what he is like. I knew probably its a painful process working with him. I was observing, being more passive to see how decisive he is, how he managed everything. It was beyond disappointment. He was way more passive than me. I did not know why I agreed to work with him when I probably could visualise the outcome.
Months later he joined the church film ministry after much encouragement from me for 5 years. I told him there was another competition he can consider joining. He was excited initially but couldn't get down to writing the script, perhaps due to no time or no inspiration or too busy. Competition deadline was extended and he felt it was a God's grace moment but as I knew, him being him did not even start writing and the competition has come to a pass.
We met up a few times after as I needed to borrow equipment from him and to go for ministry meeting together and most recently to watched a movie. The main point that I felt disturbed is always the conversation we had in his car every time I leave. He would always talked about God's grace and open doors but never take the leap of faith. He will talked about how reading film books will helped gain his knowledge and a very important aspect as a filmmaker. We will always end up debating because the topic we talked about, passion and the spiritual aspects our life and our desire is too wide a topic. I think reading is a good element to stir up the interest and manifest the desire. But I felt God's grace will give us empowerment to take action. I'm more of a doer and I think experience is more valuable than reading because you can read alone and gain much knowledge but really film is about telling stories about people, it is the filmmaker's observation of the world and the people around. It is also about working with people as it is a industry working and dealing with all sorts of people and more so than most industries.
At one point of time it did frustrates me because he said we are in the same season of our life, exploring and bla blah.. no bro we are in different phrase. I'm in it and you haven't started. Then I was asking him about the course that he wanted to take in London but he was worried about finances, then he mentioned might not take it and God might change his plans and he started to say God will teach him everything about film and then he started to talked about the bible and the whole questions was diverted away. I was really happy for him and really I do when he mentioned about taking a solid course in London and do a career switch but was totally turned off when he became his passive self again. All in all I'm just not convinced that he will be a director because he is not willing to start small or even explore other areas like producing or art directing or wat not...we can talk until the cow comes home but if no action means nothing will happen. God cannot guide a parked car you see...
Why am I sharing this? Because our conversation always break off suddenly as we always chatted over midnight. And the content of what we talked about always lingered in my mind for a very long time. I have no idea why. I'm writing all this down so that I can let it all out and I can focus on what is more important at hand. I would definitely not want to meet with KS for a long time less he stumble me as well. I'm so sorry that I might have a wrong impression of KS if so. I understand from his perspectives as well that at 33 you want to settle down with your gf, yet your gf is not a believer and being in gov job for more than 8 years is hard to make decisive move.
I think how to tell if a person is moving towards a successful path or not, you just have to observe the decision the person make at the most critical point of his life. If its towards success or failure. That will form a pattern. Once or twice successful move will make you understand what it takes to overcome adversities. But till then when KS drastic decision I think our partnership might just end here. No condemnation okie and I'm not trying to be self righteous or anything. I just pray that God will guide his heart. Make him understand himself and his inner desire better. Able to open his spiritual eyes to see things he have never seen before. Whatever decision and career he choose to take, I pray that he will be fully happy and find satisfaction in what he do even if he does not end up making films. God's grace and favor be upon him. Amen Bro. Okie I feel better now=D
Recently I wrote an article in March "Absurd" and I was talking about Person A. Maybe I name him KS. Yes he contacted me after 5 months of not seeing each other. He invited me to the a Chinese film festival to watch really awesome films and we started talking about films. He approached me to joined the cathay film marathon. Initially I was pretty reluctant because having observed him and knowing him too well, I know he can't really direct and take the lead in small projects like this. I was pretty clear that I did not want to take the lead. But I did found a great friend who was willing to joined us and provide all the technical expertise.
Throughout the process I was pretty disturbed at how he handled many things. In order to take part in the competition we needed tix stub and he mentioned we could watched 2 movies together and that would make up 4 stub. In the last minute he pushed the responsibilities to me and gave excuses that he was busy at work and all of the sudden I needed to get 4 tix stub out of nowhere. Thankfully God helped me at that point of time. I felt pretty helpless honestly.
Next while we were planning he was laying his expectation. Competition was from sat to tue evening so he mentioned he did not take leave from work so he expected to shoot by sat or sun morning and upload the film on mon morning. Honestly I cannot tell if he was joking but that really shows high expectations with little knowledge of his limitations and the "can't be bother attitude". Obviously that amount of time to make a film, you want to make every single minute counts.
Then in the process we came out with more than 10 different ideas but he was just not confident of directing. 48hrs before the submission he said he was not feeling well and wanted to give up since we could not agreed on what ideas to produce. I felt health was more important above anything else and if the intensiveness of the competition had made him unwell then we give it up. About few hours later, he said okie lets do a simple one. He sent the script to us and I felt that it so vague with no proper format and standard. I feedback a little and he asked me to scout for location, liaise with our friend, find the actress and churn out the script. That moment I felt all responsibilities rest on my shoulder. Another moment where I felt helpless and in awe with his behavior.
During the shoot he started compromising. He wanted to do one take with a steadicam but did not clarify with our helper friend. Miscom along the way and realized actually we had steadicam but he did not used it. After the shoot we spent a good 2hrs chilling and having lunch not realizing that we had only 8hrs to edit. In the end we submitted late due to poor planning and management. I could see the disappointment in KS's face because he doesn't have much opportunity to make film and when opportunity is there he wanted to make a good one.
In my heart, when he approached me before the competition, I already knew what he is like. I knew probably its a painful process working with him. I was observing, being more passive to see how decisive he is, how he managed everything. It was beyond disappointment. He was way more passive than me. I did not know why I agreed to work with him when I probably could visualise the outcome.
Months later he joined the church film ministry after much encouragement from me for 5 years. I told him there was another competition he can consider joining. He was excited initially but couldn't get down to writing the script, perhaps due to no time or no inspiration or too busy. Competition deadline was extended and he felt it was a God's grace moment but as I knew, him being him did not even start writing and the competition has come to a pass.
We met up a few times after as I needed to borrow equipment from him and to go for ministry meeting together and most recently to watched a movie. The main point that I felt disturbed is always the conversation we had in his car every time I leave. He would always talked about God's grace and open doors but never take the leap of faith. He will talked about how reading film books will helped gain his knowledge and a very important aspect as a filmmaker. We will always end up debating because the topic we talked about, passion and the spiritual aspects our life and our desire is too wide a topic. I think reading is a good element to stir up the interest and manifest the desire. But I felt God's grace will give us empowerment to take action. I'm more of a doer and I think experience is more valuable than reading because you can read alone and gain much knowledge but really film is about telling stories about people, it is the filmmaker's observation of the world and the people around. It is also about working with people as it is a industry working and dealing with all sorts of people and more so than most industries.
At one point of time it did frustrates me because he said we are in the same season of our life, exploring and bla blah.. no bro we are in different phrase. I'm in it and you haven't started. Then I was asking him about the course that he wanted to take in London but he was worried about finances, then he mentioned might not take it and God might change his plans and he started to say God will teach him everything about film and then he started to talked about the bible and the whole questions was diverted away. I was really happy for him and really I do when he mentioned about taking a solid course in London and do a career switch but was totally turned off when he became his passive self again. All in all I'm just not convinced that he will be a director because he is not willing to start small or even explore other areas like producing or art directing or wat not...we can talk until the cow comes home but if no action means nothing will happen. God cannot guide a parked car you see...
Why am I sharing this? Because our conversation always break off suddenly as we always chatted over midnight. And the content of what we talked about always lingered in my mind for a very long time. I have no idea why. I'm writing all this down so that I can let it all out and I can focus on what is more important at hand. I would definitely not want to meet with KS for a long time less he stumble me as well. I'm so sorry that I might have a wrong impression of KS if so. I understand from his perspectives as well that at 33 you want to settle down with your gf, yet your gf is not a believer and being in gov job for more than 8 years is hard to make decisive move.
I think how to tell if a person is moving towards a successful path or not, you just have to observe the decision the person make at the most critical point of his life. If its towards success or failure. That will form a pattern. Once or twice successful move will make you understand what it takes to overcome adversities. But till then when KS drastic decision I think our partnership might just end here. No condemnation okie and I'm not trying to be self righteous or anything. I just pray that God will guide his heart. Make him understand himself and his inner desire better. Able to open his spiritual eyes to see things he have never seen before. Whatever decision and career he choose to take, I pray that he will be fully happy and find satisfaction in what he do even if he does not end up making films. God's grace and favor be upon him. Amen Bro. Okie I feel better now=D
Monday, August 10, 2015
Holidays
Happy holidays! So right after I got my license I decided to embark on something. Wanted to make short film by attending courses but FMDS cease their film making course and SAE syllabus is too vague. Spenting $1.2k to make a 2 min video is definitely not worth it. So end up i took a basic photography course for hobby sake. But turns out I learned a lot about the technical aspect of the camera and also visual composition which was very helpful.
This sg50 long weekend wanted to catchup with a few of my friends who I got to meet up last year. I wanted to take this opportunity to take some photos as well. But none of them was free. So in the end I stayed home and wrote a script. The more I write the more I feel the story is not up to standard. Like how to I write something with no dialogue in it? it is as good as writing a novel or how do I write something that can be made possible into a film? Like buses and cafe and minor characters here and there which makes it interesting and yet so challenging to script them. I guess i need to start reading more script as well.
The Chinese new year break probably makes me understand who are my closest friends. These close friends are ones that I always make the effort to hang out. But this long weekend probably makes me even realised how insignificant I can be. Well I once saw the article on facebook that says your true friends don't really check their schedule to see if they are available. They always make their love ones the priorities, something along that line. I feel that I'm always the one making effort in keeping relationship till I streamlined down to just a couple of close friends.
During the weekend I was messaging B. Asked him if he wanted to hang out for a couple hours, take photos and have meals together. Probably will not take up the whole day, maybe just 4 hours? He said he is too busy with upcoming personal projects. B has no boss, no deadline and no clients to answer to. Like hello, no 4 hours to spare? I remember how he was feeling down and message that me that he wanted to hang out last year and I never spare a thought spent my whole afternoon that day to accompany him to chill out and do nothing.
Then it is was G who I messaged 2 weeks ago to accomodate his schedule to hangout coz he is working during the weekend. G agreed and the night before I messaged him for confirmation as I was prepared he will pang seh which he did during the chinese new year period. What happens during the chinese new year period was first he agreed on watching movie, then he wanted to change the plan because he forgot he got dinner at home and a jogging appointment with a friend. So we met to eat and agreed to watch movie another time which he never reply. Like hello again? you can always jog another time?! and dinner at home is common?! and why u can pang seh me and not your jogging friend? Fast forward 6months later. Truly indeed I got pang seh. He replied sorry can't make it blah blah blah... and this time i did not reply at all. Same case with B.
Sounds damn loser me but I really can't stand these kind of people anymore. Like I can make so much sacrifice for them but they treat you like a nobody. It always happens during the holidays. Many years ago I would have vent my frustrations outwardly on them but now I'm taking it more lightly and letting it go. Just that things get even worse. I need to learned to survive alone. And like maybe wait for these people to message me and pang seh them song song so i will feel better because I know I can do without them. It can be hard sometimes because you feel that you have nothing to look forward to.
I need to learned how to adjust. This is a spiritual warfare for me. Dear Lord, please help me, I pray that you will send genuine friends to walk with me this difficult journey on Earth. I hope the friends i made in the future that I could develop more deeper friendship. I really pray for kingdom friends that we can build one another up. At the same time I thank you for bringing me friends that once we hold the relationship so dear and have helped me so much. Though they come and go but I know they were sent by you Lord to accompany and delivered me. It has strengthen my faith and I pray that you will help me understand your ways and your will and sometimes you want to take away friendship to protect me and propel me to greater heights. Help me to understand no matter my situation that I'm still blessed and loved by you. Thank you Shepherd. Amen! Cheers!
This sg50 long weekend wanted to catchup with a few of my friends who I got to meet up last year. I wanted to take this opportunity to take some photos as well. But none of them was free. So in the end I stayed home and wrote a script. The more I write the more I feel the story is not up to standard. Like how to I write something with no dialogue in it? it is as good as writing a novel or how do I write something that can be made possible into a film? Like buses and cafe and minor characters here and there which makes it interesting and yet so challenging to script them. I guess i need to start reading more script as well.
The Chinese new year break probably makes me understand who are my closest friends. These close friends are ones that I always make the effort to hang out. But this long weekend probably makes me even realised how insignificant I can be. Well I once saw the article on facebook that says your true friends don't really check their schedule to see if they are available. They always make their love ones the priorities, something along that line. I feel that I'm always the one making effort in keeping relationship till I streamlined down to just a couple of close friends.
During the weekend I was messaging B. Asked him if he wanted to hang out for a couple hours, take photos and have meals together. Probably will not take up the whole day, maybe just 4 hours? He said he is too busy with upcoming personal projects. B has no boss, no deadline and no clients to answer to. Like hello, no 4 hours to spare? I remember how he was feeling down and message that me that he wanted to hang out last year and I never spare a thought spent my whole afternoon that day to accompany him to chill out and do nothing.
Then it is was G who I messaged 2 weeks ago to accomodate his schedule to hangout coz he is working during the weekend. G agreed and the night before I messaged him for confirmation as I was prepared he will pang seh which he did during the chinese new year period. What happens during the chinese new year period was first he agreed on watching movie, then he wanted to change the plan because he forgot he got dinner at home and a jogging appointment with a friend. So we met to eat and agreed to watch movie another time which he never reply. Like hello again? you can always jog another time?! and dinner at home is common?! and why u can pang seh me and not your jogging friend? Fast forward 6months later. Truly indeed I got pang seh. He replied sorry can't make it blah blah blah... and this time i did not reply at all. Same case with B.
Sounds damn loser me but I really can't stand these kind of people anymore. Like I can make so much sacrifice for them but they treat you like a nobody. It always happens during the holidays. Many years ago I would have vent my frustrations outwardly on them but now I'm taking it more lightly and letting it go. Just that things get even worse. I need to learned to survive alone. And like maybe wait for these people to message me and pang seh them song song so i will feel better because I know I can do without them. It can be hard sometimes because you feel that you have nothing to look forward to.
I need to learned how to adjust. This is a spiritual warfare for me. Dear Lord, please help me, I pray that you will send genuine friends to walk with me this difficult journey on Earth. I hope the friends i made in the future that I could develop more deeper friendship. I really pray for kingdom friends that we can build one another up. At the same time I thank you for bringing me friends that once we hold the relationship so dear and have helped me so much. Though they come and go but I know they were sent by you Lord to accompany and delivered me. It has strengthen my faith and I pray that you will help me understand your ways and your will and sometimes you want to take away friendship to protect me and propel me to greater heights. Help me to understand no matter my situation that I'm still blessed and loved by you. Thank you Shepherd. Amen! Cheers!
Thursday, June 11, 2015
All Glory to Jesus!
It's been proximity 24 hours ago since I passed my driving test on 1st attempt. I'm so happy and can't believe 2 months ago, my last blogpost, I was still writing about my struggle. I decided to write down this surreal moment as I know it was Jesus that helped me so much along the way.
After yesterday, I'm very convinced that the holy spirit is real and does speak to us believers and divine intervention does happen.
On the day of my driving test I was a little nervous like most people. I had a blur vision that I would pass the night before but I was prepared to failed. The anticipation started from the weekend, then right to my last revision, now it all comes down to this test date. While I was strolling to bbdc thinking perhaps it was my last time walking the path, I said a short prayer "Dear God, I'm the righteousness of God in Christ, I pray from victory and that even I don't pass the test, Father you will still love me.. that I will learned from my mistakes and continued to improve as a driver..." something along the line and started to pray in tongues like always. When I reached the school I was 30mins early. I was getting abit nervous and started to find a seat and sit down to calm myself. I sat for maybe 5 mins and then I decided okie it is time. So I walked to the machine to scan my IC and waited for my warm up.
I was quickly assigned to a warm up car and a warm up instructor was randomly assigned to me. It was a young instructor, just 2 years older than me. So I started driving in the circuit. Everything was fine in the circuit till the slope. The instructor realized that slope was not my forte although I still managed to overcome the slope. Then we went out to the road and everything was quite okie too till I was at the T junction on a slope and started to panic when I couldn't released the handbrake properly. When I did, cars will coming along and I had to pulled up the handbrake again. What was worse was cars started to formed up behind me and I fumble again and car stalled. Eventually I moved off when the handbrake was released halfway. I started to blamed the handbrake but instructor assured me I was nervous and couldn't performed under pressure. He was saying just that incident alone can maybe get 6 demerit points? Heading back the instructor led me to do 1 final slope again at the sch exit. I did okie. He chatted with me a little and reminded me of the important stuff to note but my mind was just blank. I knew the things he said but whether I could execute them under pressure is just another thing altogether. So he led me to the tester room, brief me and wished me luck and went off.
While I was sitting at the room, more people were coming in. I just kept eating sweets to calm myself. That moment felt as though we are waiting for our death sentence. That moment felt like forever. Finally one by one we are called up. I was assigned test route 1. Off I go.
Adjusted everything, ready to move off. Within 10 sec moving off, the tester started to slam the dashboard. E-brake! Okie that was a lure. I intentionally change to gear 2 to wait for him to do that. S- course okie. Then vertical parking. My position was okie but I needed to move abit forward as I was over my turning line but I adjusted my mirror already, so I adjusted it back but I forgot to change back gear to 1. It was on reverse gear. Damn! I reverse abit then stop and realized. That was when tester started tapping on his tablet. As I performed the parking I turned abit late so my left side was too wide and right side to narrow. I adjusted 2 times but I feel it didn't make a lot of difference. There was a trainer car waiting for the lot and I started to panic abit and decided to go with the final position. Tester was just focus on whether I'm hitting the kerb and checking my blindspot.
After that I was caught in a weird situation. I was supposed to do a right turn. Right infront of me was a yellow box. There were 2 motorists at both end of the yellow box. 1 infront and 1 behind. Tester said to me, "so got motorbike cannot turn out ah". In mind I was thinking okie the angle is quite tight, think better to turn out after they moved off. So I reply "coz got motorbike". He said, "okie up to you, your judgement". Then he started tapping his tablet and indeed I got 2 demerit points for delay in moving off. I should have told him I would turn out if I have license already lol. Then went to slope. Cock up again! Everything was okie till I didn't fully released the handbrake. The car beeped twice but tester was still. Okie maybe I'm still safe.
D-change okie, crank course okie. Finally parallel parking. I did everything okie till the final turning point I forgot to turn! So the car was diagonal. F**K! I didn't realized till when I turn the steering wheel 4 times. So I adjust and adjust. The 1st time I adjust I forgot to check behind when reversing. Arghhh!! Okie finally I managed to park the car. It was definitely not my usual standard during lesson. Normally can execute all the obstacles with minimal adjustment.
Then when turning out from lot, tester said my turning was too wide. He was sighing, shaking head alittle and constantly tapping on his tablet. I remembered my instructors said, try to accumulate 0 demerit pts in the circuit. I see the tester busily tapping away and I thought I was gone already. My mind was telling me with about 4-5 mistakes and 2-4 demerit points for each, probably I have hit 20pts already and likely I have failed. When the tester asked me to drive out, I felt like giving up now. But I felt a prompting of a spirit. The spirit was just telling me don't be afraid, the circuit component is over, let's just complete this test and do well in the remaining half of the test despite the result. My flesh felt like giving up but the spirit was overwhelming. There was peace and my nervousness was gone. I would think that my test route was easy too. There was no slope.
Whenever there are moments where I have to stop the car due to traffic I would speak in tongues. I think the tester thought I was mumbling. Everything was pretty smooth on the road for me until when heading back I didn't know what to do, like where to park the car and the tester was like, "instructors never tell you ah?" in a frustrated tone.
I was directed back to the tester room while tester went to print my result. I was probably the last one to returned because there was no one else in the room. While waiting for the moment of truth I had a lots of thoughts going on in my head. Telling myself "its okie if failed.. just take again..." That moment felt like forever again and I started to speak in tongues. Finally tester came out like after 5mins. I couldn't really understand what he was trying to say coz he was mumbling. I just nodded and replied okie for everything. But I peep into the slip and was sure I have less than 20pts!. Then he asked got photograph and I was like WooooHoooo!!!! I PASSED!!!! PRAISE JESUS. If I will to think in the natural, no way I would passed. I accumulated 14pts in the circuit. Tester didn't minus pts from my slope. Got 2 demerit pts for incorrect braking which amount to 16pts in total. When on the road, by right we are supposed to check rear mirror before signal, before moving off and when doing bends. I'm sure I did not check all the time although I did most of the time. Tester could have failed me but I managed to passed. What was significant to me was really the moment when the spirit prompted me. It was like it knew the result and even gave me sign and vision the night before which I did not boldly declare.
Just to sidetrack. I had a similar incident when I was supposed to somehow grab 4 cathay move tix stubs in order to join a short film competition in 2 days as my team didn't have time to watch movies. I walked to the cathay and while I was there I felt the same spirit prompting me to just wait. But as you know the flesh is weak and I was doing everything I could to get the 4 tix. I sms afew friends who I knew are movie freaks but they all replied me saying usually they threw them away. I was looking through trash bags but there was no sight of tix stubs. I even went to the carpark to checked the bins or perhaps there might be some tix stubs on the floor or smth. No hope. Then I started to asked the tix usher and she directed me to the tix counter people. Hmm not very helpful. In my desperation I was prepared to spent money to buy 4 movie tix stubs already as it was almost 2 hours since I'm at cathay . But the spirit just wanted me to sit there. Then suddenly a cleaner uncle walked out to mop the floor. I asked him about the tix stubs and he kindly went to one the empty theatre to helped me find. He even said its a little challenging to get 4. 1 or 2 might be possible but he will try his best. In less than a minute he came out with exactly 4 tix stubs. He even said it was laid properly on a empty seat, exactly 4! God bless you uncle:) I knew God has gone ahead of me in that situation. And it was so effortless.
Coupled with yesterday incident, I'm almost sure God can speak to us. Although sometimes I cannot discern and my flesh will take over but I truly believe in divine intervention. The spirit is more powerful, it can guide us to victory. We just have to obey.
With that being said, if anyone out there is reading my blog and struggling in their driving, remember to go for more practices. I had in total 36 lessons with 4 practical revision. My advice is not to be afraid to failed. I was prepared to failed actually as I booked additional lessons beyond my test dates yesterday. I was a slow learner too. Having to take 10 lessons for stage 1 and 11 lessons to complete stage 2. Average students would likely take 5-6 lessons for each stage. And don't fear fear. It is just a emotional state that fluctuate. Let it come, let it go. Finally I just to give thanks to God again, and to all my bbdc group instructors for their patience and guidance and to my friends that prayed for me. My learning journey has been a roller coaster ride but this is what I called "adventure". Not sure if I want to get class 2B so see how bah=D
After yesterday, I'm very convinced that the holy spirit is real and does speak to us believers and divine intervention does happen.
On the day of my driving test I was a little nervous like most people. I had a blur vision that I would pass the night before but I was prepared to failed. The anticipation started from the weekend, then right to my last revision, now it all comes down to this test date. While I was strolling to bbdc thinking perhaps it was my last time walking the path, I said a short prayer "Dear God, I'm the righteousness of God in Christ, I pray from victory and that even I don't pass the test, Father you will still love me.. that I will learned from my mistakes and continued to improve as a driver..." something along the line and started to pray in tongues like always. When I reached the school I was 30mins early. I was getting abit nervous and started to find a seat and sit down to calm myself. I sat for maybe 5 mins and then I decided okie it is time. So I walked to the machine to scan my IC and waited for my warm up.
I was quickly assigned to a warm up car and a warm up instructor was randomly assigned to me. It was a young instructor, just 2 years older than me. So I started driving in the circuit. Everything was fine in the circuit till the slope. The instructor realized that slope was not my forte although I still managed to overcome the slope. Then we went out to the road and everything was quite okie too till I was at the T junction on a slope and started to panic when I couldn't released the handbrake properly. When I did, cars will coming along and I had to pulled up the handbrake again. What was worse was cars started to formed up behind me and I fumble again and car stalled. Eventually I moved off when the handbrake was released halfway. I started to blamed the handbrake but instructor assured me I was nervous and couldn't performed under pressure. He was saying just that incident alone can maybe get 6 demerit points? Heading back the instructor led me to do 1 final slope again at the sch exit. I did okie. He chatted with me a little and reminded me of the important stuff to note but my mind was just blank. I knew the things he said but whether I could execute them under pressure is just another thing altogether. So he led me to the tester room, brief me and wished me luck and went off.
While I was sitting at the room, more people were coming in. I just kept eating sweets to calm myself. That moment felt as though we are waiting for our death sentence. That moment felt like forever. Finally one by one we are called up. I was assigned test route 1. Off I go.
Adjusted everything, ready to move off. Within 10 sec moving off, the tester started to slam the dashboard. E-brake! Okie that was a lure. I intentionally change to gear 2 to wait for him to do that. S- course okie. Then vertical parking. My position was okie but I needed to move abit forward as I was over my turning line but I adjusted my mirror already, so I adjusted it back but I forgot to change back gear to 1. It was on reverse gear. Damn! I reverse abit then stop and realized. That was when tester started tapping on his tablet. As I performed the parking I turned abit late so my left side was too wide and right side to narrow. I adjusted 2 times but I feel it didn't make a lot of difference. There was a trainer car waiting for the lot and I started to panic abit and decided to go with the final position. Tester was just focus on whether I'm hitting the kerb and checking my blindspot.
After that I was caught in a weird situation. I was supposed to do a right turn. Right infront of me was a yellow box. There were 2 motorists at both end of the yellow box. 1 infront and 1 behind. Tester said to me, "so got motorbike cannot turn out ah". In mind I was thinking okie the angle is quite tight, think better to turn out after they moved off. So I reply "coz got motorbike". He said, "okie up to you, your judgement". Then he started tapping his tablet and indeed I got 2 demerit points for delay in moving off. I should have told him I would turn out if I have license already lol. Then went to slope. Cock up again! Everything was okie till I didn't fully released the handbrake. The car beeped twice but tester was still. Okie maybe I'm still safe.
D-change okie, crank course okie. Finally parallel parking. I did everything okie till the final turning point I forgot to turn! So the car was diagonal. F**K! I didn't realized till when I turn the steering wheel 4 times. So I adjust and adjust. The 1st time I adjust I forgot to check behind when reversing. Arghhh!! Okie finally I managed to park the car. It was definitely not my usual standard during lesson. Normally can execute all the obstacles with minimal adjustment.
Then when turning out from lot, tester said my turning was too wide. He was sighing, shaking head alittle and constantly tapping on his tablet. I remembered my instructors said, try to accumulate 0 demerit pts in the circuit. I see the tester busily tapping away and I thought I was gone already. My mind was telling me with about 4-5 mistakes and 2-4 demerit points for each, probably I have hit 20pts already and likely I have failed. When the tester asked me to drive out, I felt like giving up now. But I felt a prompting of a spirit. The spirit was just telling me don't be afraid, the circuit component is over, let's just complete this test and do well in the remaining half of the test despite the result. My flesh felt like giving up but the spirit was overwhelming. There was peace and my nervousness was gone. I would think that my test route was easy too. There was no slope.
Whenever there are moments where I have to stop the car due to traffic I would speak in tongues. I think the tester thought I was mumbling. Everything was pretty smooth on the road for me until when heading back I didn't know what to do, like where to park the car and the tester was like, "instructors never tell you ah?" in a frustrated tone.
I was directed back to the tester room while tester went to print my result. I was probably the last one to returned because there was no one else in the room. While waiting for the moment of truth I had a lots of thoughts going on in my head. Telling myself "its okie if failed.. just take again..." That moment felt like forever again and I started to speak in tongues. Finally tester came out like after 5mins. I couldn't really understand what he was trying to say coz he was mumbling. I just nodded and replied okie for everything. But I peep into the slip and was sure I have less than 20pts!. Then he asked got photograph and I was like WooooHoooo!!!! I PASSED!!!! PRAISE JESUS. If I will to think in the natural, no way I would passed. I accumulated 14pts in the circuit. Tester didn't minus pts from my slope. Got 2 demerit pts for incorrect braking which amount to 16pts in total. When on the road, by right we are supposed to check rear mirror before signal, before moving off and when doing bends. I'm sure I did not check all the time although I did most of the time. Tester could have failed me but I managed to passed. What was significant to me was really the moment when the spirit prompted me. It was like it knew the result and even gave me sign and vision the night before which I did not boldly declare.
Just to sidetrack. I had a similar incident when I was supposed to somehow grab 4 cathay move tix stubs in order to join a short film competition in 2 days as my team didn't have time to watch movies. I walked to the cathay and while I was there I felt the same spirit prompting me to just wait. But as you know the flesh is weak and I was doing everything I could to get the 4 tix. I sms afew friends who I knew are movie freaks but they all replied me saying usually they threw them away. I was looking through trash bags but there was no sight of tix stubs. I even went to the carpark to checked the bins or perhaps there might be some tix stubs on the floor or smth. No hope. Then I started to asked the tix usher and she directed me to the tix counter people. Hmm not very helpful. In my desperation I was prepared to spent money to buy 4 movie tix stubs already as it was almost 2 hours since I'm at cathay . But the spirit just wanted me to sit there. Then suddenly a cleaner uncle walked out to mop the floor. I asked him about the tix stubs and he kindly went to one the empty theatre to helped me find. He even said its a little challenging to get 4. 1 or 2 might be possible but he will try his best. In less than a minute he came out with exactly 4 tix stubs. He even said it was laid properly on a empty seat, exactly 4! God bless you uncle:) I knew God has gone ahead of me in that situation. And it was so effortless.
Coupled with yesterday incident, I'm almost sure God can speak to us. Although sometimes I cannot discern and my flesh will take over but I truly believe in divine intervention. The spirit is more powerful, it can guide us to victory. We just have to obey.
With that being said, if anyone out there is reading my blog and struggling in their driving, remember to go for more practices. I had in total 36 lessons with 4 practical revision. My advice is not to be afraid to failed. I was prepared to failed actually as I booked additional lessons beyond my test dates yesterday. I was a slow learner too. Having to take 10 lessons for stage 1 and 11 lessons to complete stage 2. Average students would likely take 5-6 lessons for each stage. And don't fear fear. It is just a emotional state that fluctuate. Let it come, let it go. Finally I just to give thanks to God again, and to all my bbdc group instructors for their patience and guidance and to my friends that prayed for me. My learning journey has been a roller coaster ride but this is what I called "adventure". Not sure if I want to get class 2B so see how bah=D
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