Perhaps not many people who knew me know that I actually was working in a IT line. I hope to write about this little chapter in my life, a few years of self discovery and getting my relationship right with God, that till this day, I have no regret! And perhaps you too can take a little risk if you are at a point of indecision.
Is what I am doing now really what I want in life? I have been praying very hard on this issue. I have been talking to a lot of people ever since 8 months into my job. I come into the job hoping that I could take a break from film because I wasn't doing well in the film industry as mentioned in my previous post. Ever since my first colleague left, many things start to change. There were more business opportunity, more workloads, more OTs and overnights and with no benefits and welfare eventually more people left. I was holding the fort for very long and it seems like they were waiting for me to give my letter or forcing me out of the org. And I was there as long as I could to prove to them wrong.
Then my job eventually took up 90-95% of my time. Not creating or making film for more than a year. For a very long time, there was this constant unrest and almost continual sadness and disappointment, not that I was not performing well in my job, just that there was this great emptiness within, as if something was missing and unfulfilled.
I dragged my feet to work and occasionally even chao keng, and I was actually extremely sorry for those clients and internal staff, that they had me as a unmotivating colleague. I am not putting down my job here, just that I think I’m not made for it. And that I am lacking of something that the company needs.
I knew deep down in my heart, I wanted to go back and complete what I have left undone.I asked God to put a passion in me if I was to go back to film. Well I do not see myself becoming a known filmmaker, influential director or anything like that but more of a storyteller. Telling compelling story that hopes to inspire and give empowerment. Telling stories across all format. Be it roller coaster ride, painting, films or just verbally. And I hope God will redeem all my wasted time of 3 years!
Why now?
Because if I become too comfortable and I might be more hesitant to leave at a later time. And that my job has taken way too much of my time!
What have I learned?
I learn a lot about myself and my people skill and I learn that life is too short to be around people that u don't enjoy. I don't have time for anything that isn't good for me. I learned that my manager is not for everyone but he could be for a lot of people but he has tried to be that. Ha that aside.
I do have mixed feeling as I depart. Its coming from a realization that I'm not the person that I necessary thought I was and that I can be a better person that is more pleased with myself and the decision I made and the things I pursue. Because I risk, because I want the most unlikely guy to be managing so many things and solving so many problems, and I found my way out here, and I was ridicule, and people pick on me and I didn't back out. In fact I made one of the biggest move still (because many thought I have a lot of courage by choosing to move on) I'm a new guy now because I think apart of me died out there and a new part of me was reborn. And now unfortunately the journey has come to an end and it is time for me to go
So what is my plan?
I hope to go back and discover how fun film can be. I no longer want to do it for others’ sake or for results; I want to do it as a personal enjoyment. Taking the view that since He put me back at it, He is held responsible for the end result. I know God will put me into the right perspective, many years of discovery, a precious life lesson learnt, that is, all things will always turn around for our good as He is always faithful!
To end off, some of things that my colleague say about me during my farewell is really surprising to me. "Resourceful", "very focus person" and "intelligent" :)
