Okay I felt like I need to share this somewhere or talked to someone so I decided to write this. It has been bothering me to the point that it is very distracting. I can't focus on what is important at hand. I have a role that I need to do. Pretty intensive shoot and lots of preparation to do but I can't focus because of this and I hope by writing it down here, I'm letting it all out and be removed from the distraction.
Recently I wrote an article in March "Absurd" and I was talking about Person A. Maybe I name him KS. Yes he contacted me after 5 months of not seeing each other. He invited me to the a Chinese film festival to watch really awesome films and we started talking about films. He approached me to joined the cathay film marathon. Initially I was pretty reluctant because having observed him and knowing him too well, I know he can't really direct and take the lead in small projects like this. I was pretty clear that I did not want to take the lead. But I did found a great friend who was willing to joined us and provide all the technical expertise.
Throughout the process I was pretty disturbed at how he handled many things. In order to take part in the competition we needed tix stub and he mentioned we could watched 2 movies together and that would make up 4 stub. In the last minute he pushed the responsibilities to me and gave excuses that he was busy at work and all of the sudden I needed to get 4 tix stub out of nowhere. Thankfully God helped me at that point of time. I felt pretty helpless honestly.
Next while we were planning he was laying his expectation. Competition was from sat to tue evening so he mentioned he did not take leave from work so he expected to shoot by sat or sun morning and upload the film on mon morning. Honestly I cannot tell if he was joking but that really shows high expectations with little knowledge of his limitations and the "can't be bother attitude". Obviously that amount of time to make a film, you want to make every single minute counts.
Then in the process we came out with more than 10 different ideas but he was just not confident of directing. 48hrs before the submission he said he was not feeling well and wanted to give up since we could not agreed on what ideas to produce. I felt health was more important above anything else and if the intensiveness of the competition had made him unwell then we give it up. About few hours later, he said okie lets do a simple one. He sent the script to us and I felt that it so vague with no proper format and standard. I feedback a little and he asked me to scout for location, liaise with our friend, find the actress and churn out the script. That moment I felt all responsibilities rest on my shoulder. Another moment where I felt helpless and in awe with his behavior.
During the shoot he started compromising. He wanted to do one take with a steadicam but did not clarify with our helper friend. Miscom along the way and realized actually we had steadicam but he did not used it. After the shoot we spent a good 2hrs chilling and having lunch not realizing that we had only 8hrs to edit. In the end we submitted late due to poor planning and management. I could see the disappointment in KS's face because he doesn't have much opportunity to make film and when opportunity is there he wanted to make a good one.
In my heart, when he approached me before the competition, I already knew what he is like. I knew probably its a painful process working with him. I was observing, being more passive to see how decisive he is, how he managed everything. It was beyond disappointment. He was way more passive than me. I did not know why I agreed to work with him when I probably could visualise the outcome.
Months later he joined the church film ministry after much encouragement from me for 5 years. I told him there was another competition he can consider joining. He was excited initially but couldn't get down to writing the script, perhaps due to no time or no inspiration or too busy. Competition deadline was extended and he felt it was a God's grace moment but as I knew, him being him did not even start writing and the competition has come to a pass.
We met up a few times after as I needed to borrow equipment from him and to go for ministry meeting together and most recently to watched a movie. The main point that I felt disturbed is always the conversation we had in his car every time I leave. He would always talked about God's grace and open doors but never take the leap of faith. He will talked about how reading film books will helped gain his knowledge and a very important aspect as a filmmaker. We will always end up debating because the topic we talked about, passion and the spiritual aspects our life and our desire is too wide a topic. I think reading is a good element to stir up the interest and manifest the desire. But I felt God's grace will give us empowerment to take action. I'm more of a doer and I think experience is more valuable than reading because you can read alone and gain much knowledge but really film is about telling stories about people, it is the filmmaker's observation of the world and the people around. It is also about working with people as it is a industry working and dealing with all sorts of people and more so than most industries.
At one point of time it did frustrates me because he said we are in the same season of our life, exploring and bla blah.. no bro we are in different phrase. I'm in it and you haven't started. Then I was asking him about the course that he wanted to take in London but he was worried about finances, then he mentioned might not take it and God might change his plans and he started to say God will teach him everything about film and then he started to talked about the bible and the whole questions was diverted away. I was really happy for him and really I do when he mentioned about taking a solid course in London and do a career switch but was totally turned off when he became his passive self again. All in all I'm just not convinced that he will be a director because he is not willing to start small or even explore other areas like producing or art directing or wat not...we can talk until the cow comes home but if no action means nothing will happen. God cannot guide a parked car you see...
Why am I sharing this? Because our conversation always break off suddenly as we always chatted over midnight. And the content of what we talked about always lingered in my mind for a very long time. I have no idea why. I'm writing all this down so that I can let it all out and I can focus on what is more important at hand. I would definitely not want to meet with KS for a long time less he stumble me as well. I'm so sorry that I might have a wrong impression of KS if so. I understand from his perspectives as well that at 33 you want to settle down with your gf, yet your gf is not a believer and being in gov job for more than 8 years is hard to make decisive move.
I think how to tell if a person is moving towards a successful path or not, you just have to observe the decision the person make at the most critical point of his life. If its towards success or failure. That will form a pattern. Once or twice successful move will make you understand what it takes to overcome adversities. But till then when KS drastic decision I think our partnership might just end here. No condemnation okie and I'm not trying to be self righteous or anything. I just pray that God will guide his heart. Make him understand himself and his inner desire better. Able to open his spiritual eyes to see things he have never seen before. Whatever decision and career he choose to take, I pray that he will be fully happy and find satisfaction in what he do even if he does not end up making films. God's grace and favor be upon him. Amen Bro. Okie I feel better now=D
