Don't have much to write for now, posting a little poem that I wrote and hopefully one day it could be written into a song.
Come let us sing
To celebrate our King
He came to redeem our sins
And to once and for all forgive
As I look to the finished work
I know it is not my effort
I boldly run the tireless race
Because of Jesus's unending grace
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year All!
Monday, December 29, 2014
Friday, December 19, 2014
Smart Aleck
Recently I have been a little tired. Have you feel like wanting to advise someone that is older than you but afraid because they might have more life experience that you and then you decided to give your advise or opinion anyway and they just brush it away. Have you tried to advised someone who is younger than you only to found out that they don't take your words seriously. And then you see their circumstances never changed.
Sometimes advising is just a way or gesture for me to help or encourage but most of time they don't want the help. I advised also advised until tired already. I finally decided I shall not take initative to talk through to anyone from now on unless people ask me which, is very unlikely. I'm seriously sick of people who talked so much about their aspiration and then you see them sitting comfortably at their comfort zone not doing anything. Then they say "I know my open doors are coming" "I know God's vision for me is fulfilling" its just "on hold". If they don't even move then God can't direct. At least if they move and went on the wrong direction or become lost, God will still lead them to the right path. Time will keep moving, before they think about it again, years will go by just like that.
Having said that I think I should not worry about these people much less even bother as it is not my problem at all. In the past, as much as I wanted to succeed, I also wanted the people around me to succeed. I need to learn to let go and move on without them and perhaps ignore them. I need to learn not to be too serious and harash with myself.
I hope the next time when I meet up with friends I can just be still and listen to them talk. Just chill and not talk or gossip or complain too much about people. Be presence and just being.
Sometimes advising is just a way or gesture for me to help or encourage but most of time they don't want the help. I advised also advised until tired already. I finally decided I shall not take initative to talk through to anyone from now on unless people ask me which, is very unlikely. I'm seriously sick of people who talked so much about their aspiration and then you see them sitting comfortably at their comfort zone not doing anything. Then they say "I know my open doors are coming" "I know God's vision for me is fulfilling" its just "on hold". If they don't even move then God can't direct. At least if they move and went on the wrong direction or become lost, God will still lead them to the right path. Time will keep moving, before they think about it again, years will go by just like that.
Having said that I think I should not worry about these people much less even bother as it is not my problem at all. In the past, as much as I wanted to succeed, I also wanted the people around me to succeed. I need to learn to let go and move on without them and perhaps ignore them. I need to learn not to be too serious and harash with myself.
I hope the next time when I meet up with friends I can just be still and listen to them talk. Just chill and not talk or gossip or complain too much about people. Be presence and just being.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Past nightmare
Its raining heavily the whole morning and probably till evening the rain will stop so I can't go out or do much so I'm blogging again.
So I went for my driving practical after almost a year of procrastination and 3 years halt. So what happened was when I ord I was very garang and excited about learning driving and I cleared all theory within 2-3 months all through self learning. I didn't have much cash so I decided to pick up practical only after I joined my previously job. But I was very frustrated because back then I was on probation which means I need to work every sat till don't know when which also means I'm only free only on mon-sat evenings and whole of sun.. and after 6-7 months, I decided I better start my practical before my FTT expires. I researched and found out about this private instructor called Steven S**. He has a nice website with tons of testimonial from his students mentioning how grateful they are to him. So I called him and I started learning.
1st lesson he taught how to move off, stop and do U-turn at a deserted car park. 2nd lesson, he drove me to a lim chu kang road and we exchanged seat and he said okie drive. So I started to move off. Along the way he will say "change to gear 2" or "gear 3" and I will be like how? then he will also say "signal left" and I will say the same thing "how?". I could feel his frustration but I wasn't guilty at all. I said "Sir you got to teach me if not I wouldn't know". So he taught me and I drove to kranji dam and I remembered I even drove passed ntu and city harvest church. Along the way whatever comes to his mind he just taught me like how to move off from slope etc.. the pdi was probably in his late 60s to early 70s...his speech was slurred and most of the time I couldn't comprehend what he was teaching. The only thing that he speak very clearly was profanity. Somehow he has the impressions that I know how to drive already or is it all pdi are like that? No structure to his lesson plan as well.
3rd lesson was on a sunday morning. I reached on location but he wasn't there. Called him and he said he had another student that has exactly the same name and surname as me. He had a lesson on the same day but cancelled the lesson so he thought that person was me. So never mind, he said he will come and teach me but needed at least 1-1.5 hour to reached. So throughout that time I waited for him like a fool. I remembered there was an incident where he wanted me to do a lane change which I have no idea how. A stationary car was in front me and I signal but no car allow me to cut in. I attempted to cut in despite the heavy traffic and my pdi took over the steering, stop the car and we exchange the seats. Honestly I don't know what happen and how to handle the situation at that time. He drove me back and on the way he just scolded me, "fuck you la", "chee bye just now the situation dangerous you know", "knn". I was calmed outwardly but deep down I was devastated and I don't know what happen. I remembered when I left the place he even say please go find other pdi.
I talked to my colleagues the next day about the situation and I decided not to go for my next lesson despite the fact that I already paid for it. So I forfeited my money. The pdi was not like what is mentioned in his testimonial... patient, funny and understanding. Totally the opposite. And not appreciative at all despite the fact that I missed my lunch and took a cab down for my first 2 lesson just so I can make it in time for his lesson. The irony was he called me after 3-4 months to asked me if I was interested to learn from him again and I told me nicely no.
My mind is set for school and school it shall be.
So I went for my driving practical after almost a year of procrastination and 3 years halt. So what happened was when I ord I was very garang and excited about learning driving and I cleared all theory within 2-3 months all through self learning. I didn't have much cash so I decided to pick up practical only after I joined my previously job. But I was very frustrated because back then I was on probation which means I need to work every sat till don't know when which also means I'm only free only on mon-sat evenings and whole of sun.. and after 6-7 months, I decided I better start my practical before my FTT expires. I researched and found out about this private instructor called Steven S**. He has a nice website with tons of testimonial from his students mentioning how grateful they are to him. So I called him and I started learning.
1st lesson he taught how to move off, stop and do U-turn at a deserted car park. 2nd lesson, he drove me to a lim chu kang road and we exchanged seat and he said okie drive. So I started to move off. Along the way he will say "change to gear 2" or "gear 3" and I will be like how? then he will also say "signal left" and I will say the same thing "how?". I could feel his frustration but I wasn't guilty at all. I said "Sir you got to teach me if not I wouldn't know". So he taught me and I drove to kranji dam and I remembered I even drove passed ntu and city harvest church. Along the way whatever comes to his mind he just taught me like how to move off from slope etc.. the pdi was probably in his late 60s to early 70s...his speech was slurred and most of the time I couldn't comprehend what he was teaching. The only thing that he speak very clearly was profanity. Somehow he has the impressions that I know how to drive already or is it all pdi are like that? No structure to his lesson plan as well.
3rd lesson was on a sunday morning. I reached on location but he wasn't there. Called him and he said he had another student that has exactly the same name and surname as me. He had a lesson on the same day but cancelled the lesson so he thought that person was me. So never mind, he said he will come and teach me but needed at least 1-1.5 hour to reached. So throughout that time I waited for him like a fool. I remembered there was an incident where he wanted me to do a lane change which I have no idea how. A stationary car was in front me and I signal but no car allow me to cut in. I attempted to cut in despite the heavy traffic and my pdi took over the steering, stop the car and we exchange the seats. Honestly I don't know what happen and how to handle the situation at that time. He drove me back and on the way he just scolded me, "fuck you la", "chee bye just now the situation dangerous you know", "knn". I was calmed outwardly but deep down I was devastated and I don't know what happen. I remembered when I left the place he even say please go find other pdi.
I talked to my colleagues the next day about the situation and I decided not to go for my next lesson despite the fact that I already paid for it. So I forfeited my money. The pdi was not like what is mentioned in his testimonial... patient, funny and understanding. Totally the opposite. And not appreciative at all despite the fact that I missed my lunch and took a cab down for my first 2 lesson just so I can make it in time for his lesson. The irony was he called me after 3-4 months to asked me if I was interested to learn from him again and I told me nicely no.
My mind is set for school and school it shall be.
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Too blessed to be stressed
Perhaps I am really so free these days that I decided to write another post.
Plan for next year by cny will start producing 1 or 2 short film and mid next year will signed up another 1 or 2 courses. Really enjoy the process of "self-discovery", learning new things, and the joy of discovery new methods of doing things, even though sometimes its a tedious process.
Taking a short break this month. I really have to step out in faith, trusting the Lord to hold unto me as I move forward and embracing the new year. This year, I have felt I look better now, as one who has less stress as compared to a few years back. I didn't know that taking such a rest could have such a great impact on how I look. I did have a good rest. I do not have to rush anything, meet any datelines, or seek anyone's approval. Perhaps the only pressure I felt was self-imposed, "so you think you performed well today?". On one occasion, I felt I should get proper job, on another, I think maybe I should continue what I'm doing for another year... Hai?
I'm just a little afraid.. afraid that if life will take on a similar hectic schedule like the past, would I still be "stressed-out" or "burnt-out" again? self condemning myself in the process? Would I have the opportunity to do filming? This really sounds faithless, when one starts turning inwards instead of looking at the Shepherd, almost losing sight of the One who holds my future. Stress and fear come along when I lose sight of my Shepherd.
This is the time of the year again to celebrate Christmas, and once again I'm throwing more things away. Can't believe after throwing so much stuff away last year I'm still left with so much left. This year I doubt I will receive any gifts and in fact some of my presents from previous years are books which I have yet to read. I will try to read them soon.
I have also embark on my driving practical which I will blog about in my next post!
Jesus loves you all! Goodnight
Plan for next year by cny will start producing 1 or 2 short film and mid next year will signed up another 1 or 2 courses. Really enjoy the process of "self-discovery", learning new things, and the joy of discovery new methods of doing things, even though sometimes its a tedious process.
Taking a short break this month. I really have to step out in faith, trusting the Lord to hold unto me as I move forward and embracing the new year. This year, I have felt I look better now, as one who has less stress as compared to a few years back. I didn't know that taking such a rest could have such a great impact on how I look. I did have a good rest. I do not have to rush anything, meet any datelines, or seek anyone's approval. Perhaps the only pressure I felt was self-imposed, "so you think you performed well today?". On one occasion, I felt I should get proper job, on another, I think maybe I should continue what I'm doing for another year... Hai?
I'm just a little afraid.. afraid that if life will take on a similar hectic schedule like the past, would I still be "stressed-out" or "burnt-out" again? self condemning myself in the process? Would I have the opportunity to do filming? This really sounds faithless, when one starts turning inwards instead of looking at the Shepherd, almost losing sight of the One who holds my future. Stress and fear come along when I lose sight of my Shepherd.
This is the time of the year again to celebrate Christmas, and once again I'm throwing more things away. Can't believe after throwing so much stuff away last year I'm still left with so much left. This year I doubt I will receive any gifts and in fact some of my presents from previous years are books which I have yet to read. I will try to read them soon.
I have also embark on my driving practical which I will blog about in my next post!
Jesus loves you all! Goodnight
Time flies
This week marks 1 year since I left my company. Life has been slow and steady for the past few months. There are days where I will go to the stadium for a jog and just observe people. I felt the simplicity of life, simple pleasure, simple things. I was so busy back in my previous job, I felt a certain sense of responsibility, someone that is needed all the time and always have things to do. Perhaps it is called "living the motion" . While it feels good to always have things to do, I actually was too busy to indulge myself in activities like jogging or strolling around the neighborhood to see what people are doing , which seemed a waste of time, sounded so sad indeed.
I was freelancing for an individual that does weddings vids. I really learned a lot from him specially in the area of technical aspects but somehow there was no peace in the process. Always second guessing his thoughts which I realized this is something I hate while working with people. I'm also helping another person doing corporate vids. Somehow I don't learn much because 90-95% shots are static yet I enjoyed the moments I spent with the production team. I have been getting more acting assignments lately and the more I attempt on both aspects (being the videographer and being an actor) the more I realized that I really enjoyed performing rather than being behind the camera these days.
It has been 1 year since, not that I didn't feel the pressure of not working, I do, I felt I should, as a responsible adult, yet at the same time, I am still quite "disillusioned?" I like acting... so how? get a proper job then pursue it part time? Or get a part time and pursue my passion? I know which ever job that I apply, acting and film is still something I will do in a lifetime. My Shepherd please help me!
I was freelancing for an individual that does weddings vids. I really learned a lot from him specially in the area of technical aspects but somehow there was no peace in the process. Always second guessing his thoughts which I realized this is something I hate while working with people. I'm also helping another person doing corporate vids. Somehow I don't learn much because 90-95% shots are static yet I enjoyed the moments I spent with the production team. I have been getting more acting assignments lately and the more I attempt on both aspects (being the videographer and being an actor) the more I realized that I really enjoyed performing rather than being behind the camera these days.
It has been 1 year since, not that I didn't feel the pressure of not working, I do, I felt I should, as a responsible adult, yet at the same time, I am still quite "disillusioned?" I like acting... so how? get a proper job then pursue it part time? Or get a part time and pursue my passion? I know which ever job that I apply, acting and film is still something I will do in a lifetime. My Shepherd please help me!
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