Okay I felt like I need to share this somewhere or talked to someone so I decided to write this. It has been bothering me to the point that it is very distracting. I can't focus on what is important at hand. I have a role that I need to do. Pretty intensive shoot and lots of preparation to do but I can't focus because of this and I hope by writing it down here, I'm letting it all out and be removed from the distraction.
Recently I wrote an article in March "Absurd" and I was talking about Person A. Maybe I name him KS. Yes he contacted me after 5 months of not seeing each other. He invited me to the a Chinese film festival to watch really awesome films and we started talking about films. He approached me to joined the cathay film marathon. Initially I was pretty reluctant because having observed him and knowing him too well, I know he can't really direct and take the lead in small projects like this. I was pretty clear that I did not want to take the lead. But I did found a great friend who was willing to joined us and provide all the technical expertise.
Throughout the process I was pretty disturbed at how he handled many things. In order to take part in the competition we needed tix stub and he mentioned we could watched 2 movies together and that would make up 4 stub. In the last minute he pushed the responsibilities to me and gave excuses that he was busy at work and all of the sudden I needed to get 4 tix stub out of nowhere. Thankfully God helped me at that point of time. I felt pretty helpless honestly.
Next while we were planning he was laying his expectation. Competition was from sat to tue evening so he mentioned he did not take leave from work so he expected to shoot by sat or sun morning and upload the film on mon morning. Honestly I cannot tell if he was joking but that really shows high expectations with little knowledge of his limitations and the "can't be bother attitude". Obviously that amount of time to make a film, you want to make every single minute counts.
Then in the process we came out with more than 10 different ideas but he was just not confident of directing. 48hrs before the submission he said he was not feeling well and wanted to give up since we could not agreed on what ideas to produce. I felt health was more important above anything else and if the intensiveness of the competition had made him unwell then we give it up. About few hours later, he said okie lets do a simple one. He sent the script to us and I felt that it so vague with no proper format and standard. I feedback a little and he asked me to scout for location, liaise with our friend, find the actress and churn out the script. That moment I felt all responsibilities rest on my shoulder. Another moment where I felt helpless and in awe with his behavior.
During the shoot he started compromising. He wanted to do one take with a steadicam but did not clarify with our helper friend. Miscom along the way and realized actually we had steadicam but he did not used it. After the shoot we spent a good 2hrs chilling and having lunch not realizing that we had only 8hrs to edit. In the end we submitted late due to poor planning and management. I could see the disappointment in KS's face because he doesn't have much opportunity to make film and when opportunity is there he wanted to make a good one.
In my heart, when he approached me before the competition, I already knew what he is like. I knew probably its a painful process working with him. I was observing, being more passive to see how decisive he is, how he managed everything. It was beyond disappointment. He was way more passive than me. I did not know why I agreed to work with him when I probably could visualise the outcome.
Months later he joined the church film ministry after much encouragement from me for 5 years. I told him there was another competition he can consider joining. He was excited initially but couldn't get down to writing the script, perhaps due to no time or no inspiration or too busy. Competition deadline was extended and he felt it was a God's grace moment but as I knew, him being him did not even start writing and the competition has come to a pass.
We met up a few times after as I needed to borrow equipment from him and to go for ministry meeting together and most recently to watched a movie. The main point that I felt disturbed is always the conversation we had in his car every time I leave. He would always talked about God's grace and open doors but never take the leap of faith. He will talked about how reading film books will helped gain his knowledge and a very important aspect as a filmmaker. We will always end up debating because the topic we talked about, passion and the spiritual aspects our life and our desire is too wide a topic. I think reading is a good element to stir up the interest and manifest the desire. But I felt God's grace will give us empowerment to take action. I'm more of a doer and I think experience is more valuable than reading because you can read alone and gain much knowledge but really film is about telling stories about people, it is the filmmaker's observation of the world and the people around. It is also about working with people as it is a industry working and dealing with all sorts of people and more so than most industries.
At one point of time it did frustrates me because he said we are in the same season of our life, exploring and bla blah.. no bro we are in different phrase. I'm in it and you haven't started. Then I was asking him about the course that he wanted to take in London but he was worried about finances, then he mentioned might not take it and God might change his plans and he started to say God will teach him everything about film and then he started to talked about the bible and the whole questions was diverted away. I was really happy for him and really I do when he mentioned about taking a solid course in London and do a career switch but was totally turned off when he became his passive self again. All in all I'm just not convinced that he will be a director because he is not willing to start small or even explore other areas like producing or art directing or wat not...we can talk until the cow comes home but if no action means nothing will happen. God cannot guide a parked car you see...
Why am I sharing this? Because our conversation always break off suddenly as we always chatted over midnight. And the content of what we talked about always lingered in my mind for a very long time. I have no idea why. I'm writing all this down so that I can let it all out and I can focus on what is more important at hand. I would definitely not want to meet with KS for a long time less he stumble me as well. I'm so sorry that I might have a wrong impression of KS if so. I understand from his perspectives as well that at 33 you want to settle down with your gf, yet your gf is not a believer and being in gov job for more than 8 years is hard to make decisive move.
I think how to tell if a person is moving towards a successful path or not, you just have to observe the decision the person make at the most critical point of his life. If its towards success or failure. That will form a pattern. Once or twice successful move will make you understand what it takes to overcome adversities. But till then when KS drastic decision I think our partnership might just end here. No condemnation okie and I'm not trying to be self righteous or anything. I just pray that God will guide his heart. Make him understand himself and his inner desire better. Able to open his spiritual eyes to see things he have never seen before. Whatever decision and career he choose to take, I pray that he will be fully happy and find satisfaction in what he do even if he does not end up making films. God's grace and favor be upon him. Amen Bro. Okie I feel better now=D
Friday, October 2, 2015
Monday, August 10, 2015
Holidays
Happy holidays! So right after I got my license I decided to embark on something. Wanted to make short film by attending courses but FMDS cease their film making course and SAE syllabus is too vague. Spenting $1.2k to make a 2 min video is definitely not worth it. So end up i took a basic photography course for hobby sake. But turns out I learned a lot about the technical aspect of the camera and also visual composition which was very helpful.
This sg50 long weekend wanted to catchup with a few of my friends who I got to meet up last year. I wanted to take this opportunity to take some photos as well. But none of them was free. So in the end I stayed home and wrote a script. The more I write the more I feel the story is not up to standard. Like how to I write something with no dialogue in it? it is as good as writing a novel or how do I write something that can be made possible into a film? Like buses and cafe and minor characters here and there which makes it interesting and yet so challenging to script them. I guess i need to start reading more script as well.
The Chinese new year break probably makes me understand who are my closest friends. These close friends are ones that I always make the effort to hang out. But this long weekend probably makes me even realised how insignificant I can be. Well I once saw the article on facebook that says your true friends don't really check their schedule to see if they are available. They always make their love ones the priorities, something along that line. I feel that I'm always the one making effort in keeping relationship till I streamlined down to just a couple of close friends.
During the weekend I was messaging B. Asked him if he wanted to hang out for a couple hours, take photos and have meals together. Probably will not take up the whole day, maybe just 4 hours? He said he is too busy with upcoming personal projects. B has no boss, no deadline and no clients to answer to. Like hello, no 4 hours to spare? I remember how he was feeling down and message that me that he wanted to hang out last year and I never spare a thought spent my whole afternoon that day to accompany him to chill out and do nothing.
Then it is was G who I messaged 2 weeks ago to accomodate his schedule to hangout coz he is working during the weekend. G agreed and the night before I messaged him for confirmation as I was prepared he will pang seh which he did during the chinese new year period. What happens during the chinese new year period was first he agreed on watching movie, then he wanted to change the plan because he forgot he got dinner at home and a jogging appointment with a friend. So we met to eat and agreed to watch movie another time which he never reply. Like hello again? you can always jog another time?! and dinner at home is common?! and why u can pang seh me and not your jogging friend? Fast forward 6months later. Truly indeed I got pang seh. He replied sorry can't make it blah blah blah... and this time i did not reply at all. Same case with B.
Sounds damn loser me but I really can't stand these kind of people anymore. Like I can make so much sacrifice for them but they treat you like a nobody. It always happens during the holidays. Many years ago I would have vent my frustrations outwardly on them but now I'm taking it more lightly and letting it go. Just that things get even worse. I need to learned to survive alone. And like maybe wait for these people to message me and pang seh them song song so i will feel better because I know I can do without them. It can be hard sometimes because you feel that you have nothing to look forward to.
I need to learned how to adjust. This is a spiritual warfare for me. Dear Lord, please help me, I pray that you will send genuine friends to walk with me this difficult journey on Earth. I hope the friends i made in the future that I could develop more deeper friendship. I really pray for kingdom friends that we can build one another up. At the same time I thank you for bringing me friends that once we hold the relationship so dear and have helped me so much. Though they come and go but I know they were sent by you Lord to accompany and delivered me. It has strengthen my faith and I pray that you will help me understand your ways and your will and sometimes you want to take away friendship to protect me and propel me to greater heights. Help me to understand no matter my situation that I'm still blessed and loved by you. Thank you Shepherd. Amen! Cheers!
This sg50 long weekend wanted to catchup with a few of my friends who I got to meet up last year. I wanted to take this opportunity to take some photos as well. But none of them was free. So in the end I stayed home and wrote a script. The more I write the more I feel the story is not up to standard. Like how to I write something with no dialogue in it? it is as good as writing a novel or how do I write something that can be made possible into a film? Like buses and cafe and minor characters here and there which makes it interesting and yet so challenging to script them. I guess i need to start reading more script as well.
The Chinese new year break probably makes me understand who are my closest friends. These close friends are ones that I always make the effort to hang out. But this long weekend probably makes me even realised how insignificant I can be. Well I once saw the article on facebook that says your true friends don't really check their schedule to see if they are available. They always make their love ones the priorities, something along that line. I feel that I'm always the one making effort in keeping relationship till I streamlined down to just a couple of close friends.
During the weekend I was messaging B. Asked him if he wanted to hang out for a couple hours, take photos and have meals together. Probably will not take up the whole day, maybe just 4 hours? He said he is too busy with upcoming personal projects. B has no boss, no deadline and no clients to answer to. Like hello, no 4 hours to spare? I remember how he was feeling down and message that me that he wanted to hang out last year and I never spare a thought spent my whole afternoon that day to accompany him to chill out and do nothing.
Then it is was G who I messaged 2 weeks ago to accomodate his schedule to hangout coz he is working during the weekend. G agreed and the night before I messaged him for confirmation as I was prepared he will pang seh which he did during the chinese new year period. What happens during the chinese new year period was first he agreed on watching movie, then he wanted to change the plan because he forgot he got dinner at home and a jogging appointment with a friend. So we met to eat and agreed to watch movie another time which he never reply. Like hello again? you can always jog another time?! and dinner at home is common?! and why u can pang seh me and not your jogging friend? Fast forward 6months later. Truly indeed I got pang seh. He replied sorry can't make it blah blah blah... and this time i did not reply at all. Same case with B.
Sounds damn loser me but I really can't stand these kind of people anymore. Like I can make so much sacrifice for them but they treat you like a nobody. It always happens during the holidays. Many years ago I would have vent my frustrations outwardly on them but now I'm taking it more lightly and letting it go. Just that things get even worse. I need to learned to survive alone. And like maybe wait for these people to message me and pang seh them song song so i will feel better because I know I can do without them. It can be hard sometimes because you feel that you have nothing to look forward to.
I need to learned how to adjust. This is a spiritual warfare for me. Dear Lord, please help me, I pray that you will send genuine friends to walk with me this difficult journey on Earth. I hope the friends i made in the future that I could develop more deeper friendship. I really pray for kingdom friends that we can build one another up. At the same time I thank you for bringing me friends that once we hold the relationship so dear and have helped me so much. Though they come and go but I know they were sent by you Lord to accompany and delivered me. It has strengthen my faith and I pray that you will help me understand your ways and your will and sometimes you want to take away friendship to protect me and propel me to greater heights. Help me to understand no matter my situation that I'm still blessed and loved by you. Thank you Shepherd. Amen! Cheers!
Thursday, June 11, 2015
All Glory to Jesus!
It's been proximity 24 hours ago since I passed my driving test on 1st attempt. I'm so happy and can't believe 2 months ago, my last blogpost, I was still writing about my struggle. I decided to write down this surreal moment as I know it was Jesus that helped me so much along the way.
After yesterday, I'm very convinced that the holy spirit is real and does speak to us believers and divine intervention does happen.
On the day of my driving test I was a little nervous like most people. I had a blur vision that I would pass the night before but I was prepared to failed. The anticipation started from the weekend, then right to my last revision, now it all comes down to this test date. While I was strolling to bbdc thinking perhaps it was my last time walking the path, I said a short prayer "Dear God, I'm the righteousness of God in Christ, I pray from victory and that even I don't pass the test, Father you will still love me.. that I will learned from my mistakes and continued to improve as a driver..." something along the line and started to pray in tongues like always. When I reached the school I was 30mins early. I was getting abit nervous and started to find a seat and sit down to calm myself. I sat for maybe 5 mins and then I decided okie it is time. So I walked to the machine to scan my IC and waited for my warm up.
I was quickly assigned to a warm up car and a warm up instructor was randomly assigned to me. It was a young instructor, just 2 years older than me. So I started driving in the circuit. Everything was fine in the circuit till the slope. The instructor realized that slope was not my forte although I still managed to overcome the slope. Then we went out to the road and everything was quite okie too till I was at the T junction on a slope and started to panic when I couldn't released the handbrake properly. When I did, cars will coming along and I had to pulled up the handbrake again. What was worse was cars started to formed up behind me and I fumble again and car stalled. Eventually I moved off when the handbrake was released halfway. I started to blamed the handbrake but instructor assured me I was nervous and couldn't performed under pressure. He was saying just that incident alone can maybe get 6 demerit points? Heading back the instructor led me to do 1 final slope again at the sch exit. I did okie. He chatted with me a little and reminded me of the important stuff to note but my mind was just blank. I knew the things he said but whether I could execute them under pressure is just another thing altogether. So he led me to the tester room, brief me and wished me luck and went off.
While I was sitting at the room, more people were coming in. I just kept eating sweets to calm myself. That moment felt as though we are waiting for our death sentence. That moment felt like forever. Finally one by one we are called up. I was assigned test route 1. Off I go.
Adjusted everything, ready to move off. Within 10 sec moving off, the tester started to slam the dashboard. E-brake! Okie that was a lure. I intentionally change to gear 2 to wait for him to do that. S- course okie. Then vertical parking. My position was okie but I needed to move abit forward as I was over my turning line but I adjusted my mirror already, so I adjusted it back but I forgot to change back gear to 1. It was on reverse gear. Damn! I reverse abit then stop and realized. That was when tester started tapping on his tablet. As I performed the parking I turned abit late so my left side was too wide and right side to narrow. I adjusted 2 times but I feel it didn't make a lot of difference. There was a trainer car waiting for the lot and I started to panic abit and decided to go with the final position. Tester was just focus on whether I'm hitting the kerb and checking my blindspot.
After that I was caught in a weird situation. I was supposed to do a right turn. Right infront of me was a yellow box. There were 2 motorists at both end of the yellow box. 1 infront and 1 behind. Tester said to me, "so got motorbike cannot turn out ah". In mind I was thinking okie the angle is quite tight, think better to turn out after they moved off. So I reply "coz got motorbike". He said, "okie up to you, your judgement". Then he started tapping his tablet and indeed I got 2 demerit points for delay in moving off. I should have told him I would turn out if I have license already lol. Then went to slope. Cock up again! Everything was okie till I didn't fully released the handbrake. The car beeped twice but tester was still. Okie maybe I'm still safe.
D-change okie, crank course okie. Finally parallel parking. I did everything okie till the final turning point I forgot to turn! So the car was diagonal. F**K! I didn't realized till when I turn the steering wheel 4 times. So I adjust and adjust. The 1st time I adjust I forgot to check behind when reversing. Arghhh!! Okie finally I managed to park the car. It was definitely not my usual standard during lesson. Normally can execute all the obstacles with minimal adjustment.
Then when turning out from lot, tester said my turning was too wide. He was sighing, shaking head alittle and constantly tapping on his tablet. I remembered my instructors said, try to accumulate 0 demerit pts in the circuit. I see the tester busily tapping away and I thought I was gone already. My mind was telling me with about 4-5 mistakes and 2-4 demerit points for each, probably I have hit 20pts already and likely I have failed. When the tester asked me to drive out, I felt like giving up now. But I felt a prompting of a spirit. The spirit was just telling me don't be afraid, the circuit component is over, let's just complete this test and do well in the remaining half of the test despite the result. My flesh felt like giving up but the spirit was overwhelming. There was peace and my nervousness was gone. I would think that my test route was easy too. There was no slope.
Whenever there are moments where I have to stop the car due to traffic I would speak in tongues. I think the tester thought I was mumbling. Everything was pretty smooth on the road for me until when heading back I didn't know what to do, like where to park the car and the tester was like, "instructors never tell you ah?" in a frustrated tone.
I was directed back to the tester room while tester went to print my result. I was probably the last one to returned because there was no one else in the room. While waiting for the moment of truth I had a lots of thoughts going on in my head. Telling myself "its okie if failed.. just take again..." That moment felt like forever again and I started to speak in tongues. Finally tester came out like after 5mins. I couldn't really understand what he was trying to say coz he was mumbling. I just nodded and replied okie for everything. But I peep into the slip and was sure I have less than 20pts!. Then he asked got photograph and I was like WooooHoooo!!!! I PASSED!!!! PRAISE JESUS. If I will to think in the natural, no way I would passed. I accumulated 14pts in the circuit. Tester didn't minus pts from my slope. Got 2 demerit pts for incorrect braking which amount to 16pts in total. When on the road, by right we are supposed to check rear mirror before signal, before moving off and when doing bends. I'm sure I did not check all the time although I did most of the time. Tester could have failed me but I managed to passed. What was significant to me was really the moment when the spirit prompted me. It was like it knew the result and even gave me sign and vision the night before which I did not boldly declare.
Just to sidetrack. I had a similar incident when I was supposed to somehow grab 4 cathay move tix stubs in order to join a short film competition in 2 days as my team didn't have time to watch movies. I walked to the cathay and while I was there I felt the same spirit prompting me to just wait. But as you know the flesh is weak and I was doing everything I could to get the 4 tix. I sms afew friends who I knew are movie freaks but they all replied me saying usually they threw them away. I was looking through trash bags but there was no sight of tix stubs. I even went to the carpark to checked the bins or perhaps there might be some tix stubs on the floor or smth. No hope. Then I started to asked the tix usher and she directed me to the tix counter people. Hmm not very helpful. In my desperation I was prepared to spent money to buy 4 movie tix stubs already as it was almost 2 hours since I'm at cathay . But the spirit just wanted me to sit there. Then suddenly a cleaner uncle walked out to mop the floor. I asked him about the tix stubs and he kindly went to one the empty theatre to helped me find. He even said its a little challenging to get 4. 1 or 2 might be possible but he will try his best. In less than a minute he came out with exactly 4 tix stubs. He even said it was laid properly on a empty seat, exactly 4! God bless you uncle:) I knew God has gone ahead of me in that situation. And it was so effortless.
Coupled with yesterday incident, I'm almost sure God can speak to us. Although sometimes I cannot discern and my flesh will take over but I truly believe in divine intervention. The spirit is more powerful, it can guide us to victory. We just have to obey.
With that being said, if anyone out there is reading my blog and struggling in their driving, remember to go for more practices. I had in total 36 lessons with 4 practical revision. My advice is not to be afraid to failed. I was prepared to failed actually as I booked additional lessons beyond my test dates yesterday. I was a slow learner too. Having to take 10 lessons for stage 1 and 11 lessons to complete stage 2. Average students would likely take 5-6 lessons for each stage. And don't fear fear. It is just a emotional state that fluctuate. Let it come, let it go. Finally I just to give thanks to God again, and to all my bbdc group instructors for their patience and guidance and to my friends that prayed for me. My learning journey has been a roller coaster ride but this is what I called "adventure". Not sure if I want to get class 2B so see how bah=D
After yesterday, I'm very convinced that the holy spirit is real and does speak to us believers and divine intervention does happen.
On the day of my driving test I was a little nervous like most people. I had a blur vision that I would pass the night before but I was prepared to failed. The anticipation started from the weekend, then right to my last revision, now it all comes down to this test date. While I was strolling to bbdc thinking perhaps it was my last time walking the path, I said a short prayer "Dear God, I'm the righteousness of God in Christ, I pray from victory and that even I don't pass the test, Father you will still love me.. that I will learned from my mistakes and continued to improve as a driver..." something along the line and started to pray in tongues like always. When I reached the school I was 30mins early. I was getting abit nervous and started to find a seat and sit down to calm myself. I sat for maybe 5 mins and then I decided okie it is time. So I walked to the machine to scan my IC and waited for my warm up.
I was quickly assigned to a warm up car and a warm up instructor was randomly assigned to me. It was a young instructor, just 2 years older than me. So I started driving in the circuit. Everything was fine in the circuit till the slope. The instructor realized that slope was not my forte although I still managed to overcome the slope. Then we went out to the road and everything was quite okie too till I was at the T junction on a slope and started to panic when I couldn't released the handbrake properly. When I did, cars will coming along and I had to pulled up the handbrake again. What was worse was cars started to formed up behind me and I fumble again and car stalled. Eventually I moved off when the handbrake was released halfway. I started to blamed the handbrake but instructor assured me I was nervous and couldn't performed under pressure. He was saying just that incident alone can maybe get 6 demerit points? Heading back the instructor led me to do 1 final slope again at the sch exit. I did okie. He chatted with me a little and reminded me of the important stuff to note but my mind was just blank. I knew the things he said but whether I could execute them under pressure is just another thing altogether. So he led me to the tester room, brief me and wished me luck and went off.
While I was sitting at the room, more people were coming in. I just kept eating sweets to calm myself. That moment felt as though we are waiting for our death sentence. That moment felt like forever. Finally one by one we are called up. I was assigned test route 1. Off I go.
Adjusted everything, ready to move off. Within 10 sec moving off, the tester started to slam the dashboard. E-brake! Okie that was a lure. I intentionally change to gear 2 to wait for him to do that. S- course okie. Then vertical parking. My position was okie but I needed to move abit forward as I was over my turning line but I adjusted my mirror already, so I adjusted it back but I forgot to change back gear to 1. It was on reverse gear. Damn! I reverse abit then stop and realized. That was when tester started tapping on his tablet. As I performed the parking I turned abit late so my left side was too wide and right side to narrow. I adjusted 2 times but I feel it didn't make a lot of difference. There was a trainer car waiting for the lot and I started to panic abit and decided to go with the final position. Tester was just focus on whether I'm hitting the kerb and checking my blindspot.
After that I was caught in a weird situation. I was supposed to do a right turn. Right infront of me was a yellow box. There were 2 motorists at both end of the yellow box. 1 infront and 1 behind. Tester said to me, "so got motorbike cannot turn out ah". In mind I was thinking okie the angle is quite tight, think better to turn out after they moved off. So I reply "coz got motorbike". He said, "okie up to you, your judgement". Then he started tapping his tablet and indeed I got 2 demerit points for delay in moving off. I should have told him I would turn out if I have license already lol. Then went to slope. Cock up again! Everything was okie till I didn't fully released the handbrake. The car beeped twice but tester was still. Okie maybe I'm still safe.
D-change okie, crank course okie. Finally parallel parking. I did everything okie till the final turning point I forgot to turn! So the car was diagonal. F**K! I didn't realized till when I turn the steering wheel 4 times. So I adjust and adjust. The 1st time I adjust I forgot to check behind when reversing. Arghhh!! Okie finally I managed to park the car. It was definitely not my usual standard during lesson. Normally can execute all the obstacles with minimal adjustment.
Then when turning out from lot, tester said my turning was too wide. He was sighing, shaking head alittle and constantly tapping on his tablet. I remembered my instructors said, try to accumulate 0 demerit pts in the circuit. I see the tester busily tapping away and I thought I was gone already. My mind was telling me with about 4-5 mistakes and 2-4 demerit points for each, probably I have hit 20pts already and likely I have failed. When the tester asked me to drive out, I felt like giving up now. But I felt a prompting of a spirit. The spirit was just telling me don't be afraid, the circuit component is over, let's just complete this test and do well in the remaining half of the test despite the result. My flesh felt like giving up but the spirit was overwhelming. There was peace and my nervousness was gone. I would think that my test route was easy too. There was no slope.
Whenever there are moments where I have to stop the car due to traffic I would speak in tongues. I think the tester thought I was mumbling. Everything was pretty smooth on the road for me until when heading back I didn't know what to do, like where to park the car and the tester was like, "instructors never tell you ah?" in a frustrated tone.
I was directed back to the tester room while tester went to print my result. I was probably the last one to returned because there was no one else in the room. While waiting for the moment of truth I had a lots of thoughts going on in my head. Telling myself "its okie if failed.. just take again..." That moment felt like forever again and I started to speak in tongues. Finally tester came out like after 5mins. I couldn't really understand what he was trying to say coz he was mumbling. I just nodded and replied okie for everything. But I peep into the slip and was sure I have less than 20pts!. Then he asked got photograph and I was like WooooHoooo!!!! I PASSED!!!! PRAISE JESUS. If I will to think in the natural, no way I would passed. I accumulated 14pts in the circuit. Tester didn't minus pts from my slope. Got 2 demerit pts for incorrect braking which amount to 16pts in total. When on the road, by right we are supposed to check rear mirror before signal, before moving off and when doing bends. I'm sure I did not check all the time although I did most of the time. Tester could have failed me but I managed to passed. What was significant to me was really the moment when the spirit prompted me. It was like it knew the result and even gave me sign and vision the night before which I did not boldly declare.
Just to sidetrack. I had a similar incident when I was supposed to somehow grab 4 cathay move tix stubs in order to join a short film competition in 2 days as my team didn't have time to watch movies. I walked to the cathay and while I was there I felt the same spirit prompting me to just wait. But as you know the flesh is weak and I was doing everything I could to get the 4 tix. I sms afew friends who I knew are movie freaks but they all replied me saying usually they threw them away. I was looking through trash bags but there was no sight of tix stubs. I even went to the carpark to checked the bins or perhaps there might be some tix stubs on the floor or smth. No hope. Then I started to asked the tix usher and she directed me to the tix counter people. Hmm not very helpful. In my desperation I was prepared to spent money to buy 4 movie tix stubs already as it was almost 2 hours since I'm at cathay . But the spirit just wanted me to sit there. Then suddenly a cleaner uncle walked out to mop the floor. I asked him about the tix stubs and he kindly went to one the empty theatre to helped me find. He even said its a little challenging to get 4. 1 or 2 might be possible but he will try his best. In less than a minute he came out with exactly 4 tix stubs. He even said it was laid properly on a empty seat, exactly 4! God bless you uncle:) I knew God has gone ahead of me in that situation. And it was so effortless.
Coupled with yesterday incident, I'm almost sure God can speak to us. Although sometimes I cannot discern and my flesh will take over but I truly believe in divine intervention. The spirit is more powerful, it can guide us to victory. We just have to obey.
With that being said, if anyone out there is reading my blog and struggling in their driving, remember to go for more practices. I had in total 36 lessons with 4 practical revision. My advice is not to be afraid to failed. I was prepared to failed actually as I booked additional lessons beyond my test dates yesterday. I was a slow learner too. Having to take 10 lessons for stage 1 and 11 lessons to complete stage 2. Average students would likely take 5-6 lessons for each stage. And don't fear fear. It is just a emotional state that fluctuate. Let it come, let it go. Finally I just to give thanks to God again, and to all my bbdc group instructors for their patience and guidance and to my friends that prayed for me. My learning journey has been a roller coaster ride but this is what I called "adventure". Not sure if I want to get class 2B so see how bah=D
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Nothing
Its the time of the year again where I do this little reflection.
Same question I asked myself again...
After a quarter thru 2015, question to myself is...
Have I achieved my goals that I set out to do?
Have I given my best for people around me?
What are the things I could have done better?
I'm about into my final 2 months of my driving lessons. I wasn't very satisfied with my last lesson as I was doing many things within the lesson and I fumbled and mixed up certain things. At some point I knew I made the mistakes but did not make adjustment as I was afraid the instructor might be angry but things got even worse. Stupid me. Nevertheless I'm grateful to all the instructors that are teaching me although I'm not getting my favored instructors nowadays but I'm okay. Most of my friends that started learning driving earlier and some even later than me have got their license. I'm happy for them
I need to work harder and I need to focus. I need to do better next lesson. Will be listening to many sermons to overcome my worry and fear. The good thing is every lesson is a fresh start again, the past mistakes is no more. I will do better next lesson. I need this space to expressed out so that next lesson I can "go again".
Fighting! fighting! fighting!!!
Same question I asked myself again...
After a quarter thru 2015, question to myself is...
Have I achieved my goals that I set out to do?
Have I given my best for people around me?
What are the things I could have done better?
I'm about into my final 2 months of my driving lessons. I wasn't very satisfied with my last lesson as I was doing many things within the lesson and I fumbled and mixed up certain things. At some point I knew I made the mistakes but did not make adjustment as I was afraid the instructor might be angry but things got even worse. Stupid me. Nevertheless I'm grateful to all the instructors that are teaching me although I'm not getting my favored instructors nowadays but I'm okay. Most of my friends that started learning driving earlier and some even later than me have got their license. I'm happy for them
I need to work harder and I need to focus. I need to do better next lesson. Will be listening to many sermons to overcome my worry and fear. The good thing is every lesson is a fresh start again, the past mistakes is no more. I will do better next lesson. I need this space to expressed out so that next lesson I can "go again".
Fighting! fighting! fighting!!!
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Driving
When I left my job, I knew one of the priorities was getting my driving license but I took my own sweet time to attend the theory lessons and took the tests all over again. Until when I recently injured my hand that I felt it was time to start my practical since I'm can't do much filming either.
Cut the long story short, I had already attended 21 practical lessons with sch with 6 different instructors .Every instructor has their own way and style of teaching and driving. Some instructor focus on technique and some focus on safety while some others just wanted to get by and don't offer much feedback.
I researched and read blogs about people writing about their driving experience. I will not write much in details as you can researched online, there are many blogs out there that is very resourceful in my opinion. And like many of those blogs that I read, I too faced a very sianz period with the instructors during my early stage. I was not really excited about going to school and in fact I find it a drag. Had a brush with one of the instructors that I always get. The instructor had high expectations, will always remind me to book more lessons and find that my progress is too slow and sometimes when I make mistakes, instructor will face palm or shake her head. Though its deheartening its still nothing compared to my previous pdi. In school, they can't use profanity if not they might get complaint and it will affect their performance and perhaps even their bonus, so its a reputation issue.
First of all, I didn't know its good to book 2-3 lessons in a week as no one advised me on that until the instructor told me so which is kinda late because I have already book 2 months in advance for my slot. And moreover some of friends who got their license during ns, mentioned they can only do so once a week cause need to book in ma which I thought once a week is good enough. I was only advised not to have a big gap between each lesson as I might get rusty with my skills.
Secondly, can't expect that once the method is taught that the students can execute perfectly right? Students need to practice and we are there to make mistakes isn't it?
What got me irritated was when I was asked me why I decided to take manual instead of auto. And this instructor started talking about how fast I can get my license if I switched to auto and how easy it is to handle auto cars. Seriously! I don't understand why I was told all that but the impressions that I get is that I'm a lousy driver in the group and wanted me to switch to auto so I will be transfered to auto group. That is the reason why I don't really look forward to having lessons taught by this particular instructor during my early stage. The problem is you can't tell which instructors you are getting till the lesson starts.
Strangely after this incident, this instructor did not teach me for a short period of time and I got to experienced many different instructors and that is when I get to appriecate this instructor that I felt obnoxoius about. Because I felt that some instructors are worse. They don't give much feedback. I dont know what they are talking about sometimes. Can't connect with them. They keep quiet then wait for you to make mistakes then they start nagging and insist their right of way. Sometimes they ask me how I find other instructors and there was one that said, "No! that fellow method is wrong, the right way is blah blah blah!..."with his face so close to mine like gonna kiss me like that. The other instructor that I appreciated a lot was Mr L. After my 1st instructor stop taking me, Mr L started to take me for back to back lesson from time to time before I'm randomly threw to other instructor for 1 or 2 lessons and back to Mr L again. He know my weaknesses very well and constantly reminds me in the vehicle to do this and that. Overtime my reaction becomes faster and I realized I can multiple task quite abit. I must say he instilled a lot of confidence in me. Every time I get a new instructor for the first time I would always feel nervous but because of all the lessons and practice that I had with Mr L, despite the nervousness I'm still competent to handle the vehicle and then after maybe 20-30mins of warm-up, I will be fine. And over time I did improve, so the 1st instructor and Mr L will starts to casual chat with me when I get them for my lessons. Now I would always pray I will get the 2 instructors that I find favour with.
I'm a little over the halfway mark of obtaining my driving license I think, maybe even 2/3. Somehow I still do not have a lot of confident in my driving or maybe most of the instructors did not give me the assurance that I can drive like Mr L do.
Honestly I don't think I'm a lousy driver. I may be a slow learner and my progress is slow but I'm moving forward. I still stalled my vehicle at least 2 times in every lesson but I'm not a hopeless student or driver. That is something that I need to make clear to all the instructors out there. This is the time that I needed God's grace. Despite of how we fail, or miss the mark, Jesus will always catch us when we fall, such is the assurance and the hope. I always have this vision that one day I'm qualified driver on the road. I happen to know all the people driving around me. Person A driving beside me told me he failed his driving 5 times. Person B driving in front of me told me he failed his driving 3 times. Then comes Person C, saying he passed his driving on his first time. So the morale of story is this, it doesn't matter how many times we failed, because what matters now is we are all qualified drivers. Just persevere, no matter how many tp tests I will end up taking, somehow eventually you will get there.
This is the light I see. Sometimes I do get self condemn because of the things the instuctors said but it's also because that I lose focus on God's grace. Worry and fear begins to cloud my mind. I start to see my incompetence, my inability to improve things, which is all about "me me me". It is time to just give up and look up, for our Helper is waiting to help, but Help simply cannot get a hold of the situation while we are still holding tightly to it. This is what I have been struggling, sometimes and some areas seem more intense. Let not my heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. This is so difficult, God help me!
I'm about to go into stage 3 of my driving. I need to learn to keep moving forward
PS: This is my official post about my driving experience which was written late Oct last year
Cut the long story short, I had already attended 21 practical lessons with sch with 6 different instructors .Every instructor has their own way and style of teaching and driving. Some instructor focus on technique and some focus on safety while some others just wanted to get by and don't offer much feedback.
I researched and read blogs about people writing about their driving experience. I will not write much in details as you can researched online, there are many blogs out there that is very resourceful in my opinion. And like many of those blogs that I read, I too faced a very sianz period with the instructors during my early stage. I was not really excited about going to school and in fact I find it a drag. Had a brush with one of the instructors that I always get. The instructor had high expectations, will always remind me to book more lessons and find that my progress is too slow and sometimes when I make mistakes, instructor will face palm or shake her head. Though its deheartening its still nothing compared to my previous pdi. In school, they can't use profanity if not they might get complaint and it will affect their performance and perhaps even their bonus, so its a reputation issue.
First of all, I didn't know its good to book 2-3 lessons in a week as no one advised me on that until the instructor told me so which is kinda late because I have already book 2 months in advance for my slot. And moreover some of friends who got their license during ns, mentioned they can only do so once a week cause need to book in ma which I thought once a week is good enough. I was only advised not to have a big gap between each lesson as I might get rusty with my skills.
Secondly, can't expect that once the method is taught that the students can execute perfectly right? Students need to practice and we are there to make mistakes isn't it?
What got me irritated was when I was asked me why I decided to take manual instead of auto. And this instructor started talking about how fast I can get my license if I switched to auto and how easy it is to handle auto cars. Seriously! I don't understand why I was told all that but the impressions that I get is that I'm a lousy driver in the group and wanted me to switch to auto so I will be transfered to auto group. That is the reason why I don't really look forward to having lessons taught by this particular instructor during my early stage. The problem is you can't tell which instructors you are getting till the lesson starts.
Strangely after this incident, this instructor did not teach me for a short period of time and I got to experienced many different instructors and that is when I get to appriecate this instructor that I felt obnoxoius about. Because I felt that some instructors are worse. They don't give much feedback. I dont know what they are talking about sometimes. Can't connect with them. They keep quiet then wait for you to make mistakes then they start nagging and insist their right of way. Sometimes they ask me how I find other instructors and there was one that said, "No! that fellow method is wrong, the right way is blah blah blah!..."with his face so close to mine like gonna kiss me like that. The other instructor that I appreciated a lot was Mr L. After my 1st instructor stop taking me, Mr L started to take me for back to back lesson from time to time before I'm randomly threw to other instructor for 1 or 2 lessons and back to Mr L again. He know my weaknesses very well and constantly reminds me in the vehicle to do this and that. Overtime my reaction becomes faster and I realized I can multiple task quite abit. I must say he instilled a lot of confidence in me. Every time I get a new instructor for the first time I would always feel nervous but because of all the lessons and practice that I had with Mr L, despite the nervousness I'm still competent to handle the vehicle and then after maybe 20-30mins of warm-up, I will be fine. And over time I did improve, so the 1st instructor and Mr L will starts to casual chat with me when I get them for my lessons. Now I would always pray I will get the 2 instructors that I find favour with.
I'm a little over the halfway mark of obtaining my driving license I think, maybe even 2/3. Somehow I still do not have a lot of confident in my driving or maybe most of the instructors did not give me the assurance that I can drive like Mr L do.
Honestly I don't think I'm a lousy driver. I may be a slow learner and my progress is slow but I'm moving forward. I still stalled my vehicle at least 2 times in every lesson but I'm not a hopeless student or driver. That is something that I need to make clear to all the instructors out there. This is the time that I needed God's grace. Despite of how we fail, or miss the mark, Jesus will always catch us when we fall, such is the assurance and the hope. I always have this vision that one day I'm qualified driver on the road. I happen to know all the people driving around me. Person A driving beside me told me he failed his driving 5 times. Person B driving in front of me told me he failed his driving 3 times. Then comes Person C, saying he passed his driving on his first time. So the morale of story is this, it doesn't matter how many times we failed, because what matters now is we are all qualified drivers. Just persevere, no matter how many tp tests I will end up taking, somehow eventually you will get there.
This is the light I see. Sometimes I do get self condemn because of the things the instuctors said but it's also because that I lose focus on God's grace. Worry and fear begins to cloud my mind. I start to see my incompetence, my inability to improve things, which is all about "me me me". It is time to just give up and look up, for our Helper is waiting to help, but Help simply cannot get a hold of the situation while we are still holding tightly to it. This is what I have been struggling, sometimes and some areas seem more intense. Let not my heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. This is so difficult, God help me!
I'm about to go into stage 3 of my driving. I need to learn to keep moving forward
PS: This is my official post about my driving experience which was written late Oct last year
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Absurd
I have a slow start to the year. Haven't had much acting or filming gig going on, so was focusing on my driving instead. My previous few post I was reminding myself to learn to let go and move on with certain people. It was so strange that recently I had a few people that started messaging me. Asking me "how are you?" and "are you still making films?"... feel like they are implying are you still a struggling filmmaker?
They used to be my filmmaking "kakis" in a sense because I would always jio them to joined local film competition and played around with the manpower or talents I have to make our team balanced. But I don't joined competition anymore unless I feel like it. I find it very strange, when there are opportunities presented to them they shunned away, shy to take the lead, become passive and couldn't commit. The hard truth is when the opportunities are gone, they are gone!
Person A is facing some serious spiritual warfare which I don't know how to help. We made couple of good films but I always feel I'm not properly utilized to my optimal as a filmmaker. My opinion have no weight because I don't have the camera and editing software so I have very little say in the creative aspects. We spent so much time churning the concept that when comes to implementation stage we become so disorganized because we seldom have a solid team which means we don't have a structure. Always find it hard to bring my opinion across to this person. One of things is putting me to act out a character because I do feel that performing is my forte and since he loved to conceptualize, direct, shoot and edit at the same time. Not that I dislike producing but I always feel I can do a lot more. We did about 4 projects together and known each other for 5 years, I'm sure we can come out with something better. Our last project was a disaster. Then we tried to discuss about joining a competition which we had 2 weeks to shoot before deadline and it didn't happen. Then I tried to initiate another possible 2 competition which he didn't reply. When eventually he did replied, I no longer got the mood to do it anymore.
Why is he facing spiritual warfare? Because he felt filmmaking is his calling. He has been in a corporate job for 6-7 years and in his early 30s. Always saying "I'm waiting for open doors from God". So in the meantime he has jumped from one gov job to another. So what open doors is he waiting for? He is not clear either. Why he feel the doors are not open? When mandy.com have constant flow of filmmaking jobs. Anyway he always abruptly killed the conversation meaning he will start a conversation in a message and reply at a rate you will feel sending letters back and forth might prompt a faster reply. The cliché reply is always "pardon my late reply... was so busy with work". That is why I don't like to entertained this kind people anymore as much as I would loved to pray and help this fellow.
Person B has got many passion. Travel, photography, entrepreneur, filmmaking and many more... feels familiar? feels like many people have these aspiration too. Jio this person a few times for competition. 1st time jio her, 1st day of competition was smooth, next day felt sick and went back home to rest, 3rd day came for the award ceremony. 2nd time jio her, no idea from the team so didn't take place. 3rd time jio her and was planning to do a viral or meaningful video, did not follow through her script and it did not happen again. 4th time jio her, she agreed then back off last minute because she was on holiday and cannot make it back in time. How would anybody feel if it was me? of course stop jioing her la. Waste my time already.
What was so disturbing to me is when the person asked if I'm still making films after more than a year of not contacting. Felt as though if I'm doing well then B is intending to ride on my success. Or perhaps by listening to the pain that I'm going through, B will feel better as not to have made the choice of doing films. Okay maybe I'm thinking too much. Then B started to talked about the video we made when I jio her the 1st time. And B started to say like how nice if we can do something like this again.. that B is getting old and maybe someday I would direct a movie written by B... I'm like WTF?! are you serious? Don't make your aspiration mine aspiration.. please do not put any burden on me to fulfilled your dream or whatsoever. This is honestly ridiculous and disturbing. So I told B no I'm not making films anymore, live your own dreams, in a nice manner of course.
B said I need some good marketing skills and all... So I told B blah blah blah.. about how mine priority has changed and how B have a lot of talent, should live our dream and all... honestly the lengthy conversation to me was senseless and going nowhere. The conversation ended with both of us saying "Jia you" to one another. To me it sounded dumb. If you loved film and writing please do it even as a hobby because nothing bad can happen. You will still have your job and have food to eat. Making films full time is a risk, it requires commitment, its a choice you have to made, it takes faith and courage. Your highs and lows will be great, curve will be steep and its not for everyone.
A and B is just 2 recent example.. I don't understand the concern and issue that is facing by them. Maybe they haven't shared fully with me or I just plainly don't understand. A and B haven't had a family yet so why not just give themselves 1- 2 years to commit full heartedly to this passion they have whether its hobby, part time or even full time. To me its that simple. If they choose not to made this decision then why have this passion or desire? You guys have regular jobs, good money... why choose the go through the pain of making films. Making films is so difficult. I felt that we are in different season of our lives, things have changed. We used to be in a crossroad together. Perhaps God put us together to build one another up but the direction that I'm heading to is different now. Okay I need to learn to be calm, collected and to look to the Lord strength to stay cool. Move on Eugene.. move on...Peace bro..peace
They used to be my filmmaking "kakis" in a sense because I would always jio them to joined local film competition and played around with the manpower or talents I have to make our team balanced. But I don't joined competition anymore unless I feel like it. I find it very strange, when there are opportunities presented to them they shunned away, shy to take the lead, become passive and couldn't commit. The hard truth is when the opportunities are gone, they are gone!
Person A is facing some serious spiritual warfare which I don't know how to help. We made couple of good films but I always feel I'm not properly utilized to my optimal as a filmmaker. My opinion have no weight because I don't have the camera and editing software so I have very little say in the creative aspects. We spent so much time churning the concept that when comes to implementation stage we become so disorganized because we seldom have a solid team which means we don't have a structure. Always find it hard to bring my opinion across to this person. One of things is putting me to act out a character because I do feel that performing is my forte and since he loved to conceptualize, direct, shoot and edit at the same time. Not that I dislike producing but I always feel I can do a lot more. We did about 4 projects together and known each other for 5 years, I'm sure we can come out with something better. Our last project was a disaster. Then we tried to discuss about joining a competition which we had 2 weeks to shoot before deadline and it didn't happen. Then I tried to initiate another possible 2 competition which he didn't reply. When eventually he did replied, I no longer got the mood to do it anymore.
Why is he facing spiritual warfare? Because he felt filmmaking is his calling. He has been in a corporate job for 6-7 years and in his early 30s. Always saying "I'm waiting for open doors from God". So in the meantime he has jumped from one gov job to another. So what open doors is he waiting for? He is not clear either. Why he feel the doors are not open? When mandy.com have constant flow of filmmaking jobs. Anyway he always abruptly killed the conversation meaning he will start a conversation in a message and reply at a rate you will feel sending letters back and forth might prompt a faster reply. The cliché reply is always "pardon my late reply... was so busy with work". That is why I don't like to entertained this kind people anymore as much as I would loved to pray and help this fellow.
Person B has got many passion. Travel, photography, entrepreneur, filmmaking and many more... feels familiar? feels like many people have these aspiration too. Jio this person a few times for competition. 1st time jio her, 1st day of competition was smooth, next day felt sick and went back home to rest, 3rd day came for the award ceremony. 2nd time jio her, no idea from the team so didn't take place. 3rd time jio her and was planning to do a viral or meaningful video, did not follow through her script and it did not happen again. 4th time jio her, she agreed then back off last minute because she was on holiday and cannot make it back in time. How would anybody feel if it was me? of course stop jioing her la. Waste my time already.
What was so disturbing to me is when the person asked if I'm still making films after more than a year of not contacting. Felt as though if I'm doing well then B is intending to ride on my success. Or perhaps by listening to the pain that I'm going through, B will feel better as not to have made the choice of doing films. Okay maybe I'm thinking too much. Then B started to talked about the video we made when I jio her the 1st time. And B started to say like how nice if we can do something like this again.. that B is getting old and maybe someday I would direct a movie written by B... I'm like WTF?! are you serious? Don't make your aspiration mine aspiration.. please do not put any burden on me to fulfilled your dream or whatsoever. This is honestly ridiculous and disturbing. So I told B no I'm not making films anymore, live your own dreams, in a nice manner of course.
B said I need some good marketing skills and all... So I told B blah blah blah.. about how mine priority has changed and how B have a lot of talent, should live our dream and all... honestly the lengthy conversation to me was senseless and going nowhere. The conversation ended with both of us saying "Jia you" to one another. To me it sounded dumb. If you loved film and writing please do it even as a hobby because nothing bad can happen. You will still have your job and have food to eat. Making films full time is a risk, it requires commitment, its a choice you have to made, it takes faith and courage. Your highs and lows will be great, curve will be steep and its not for everyone.
A and B is just 2 recent example.. I don't understand the concern and issue that is facing by them. Maybe they haven't shared fully with me or I just plainly don't understand. A and B haven't had a family yet so why not just give themselves 1- 2 years to commit full heartedly to this passion they have whether its hobby, part time or even full time. To me its that simple. If they choose not to made this decision then why have this passion or desire? You guys have regular jobs, good money... why choose the go through the pain of making films. Making films is so difficult. I felt that we are in different season of our lives, things have changed. We used to be in a crossroad together. Perhaps God put us together to build one another up but the direction that I'm heading to is different now. Okay I need to learn to be calm, collected and to look to the Lord strength to stay cool. Move on Eugene.. move on...Peace bro..peace
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Against All Odds
Quoting from an article that I was came across few years ago regarding Ray Pang, singapore local director. Will be slipping in some personal comments in between in brackets. haha
How do Singaporeans define success?
Many define it as having a nice house and a lot of money, but 27-year-old filmmaker Ray Pang has never set that as a standard for himself.
“I think being able to do what you are passionate about and having friends and family to support your dreams is success,” Pang, a finalist for Singapore 9 and whose growing body of films has started to draw attention in Singapore and overseas, told Yahoo! Singapore in an interview on Friday.
(I think being able to do what you are passionate about and living your dream is already a success. To me it doesn't matter if you have the support of friends and family, really)
Despite financial challenges, Pang has persisted in pursuing his vision in filmmaking.
After he earned his bachelor’s degree in film and television in Australia and returned to Singapore last year, he was unemployed for almost a year. He did not think the jobs available would suit him given what he wanted to do.
“The direction towards my goal as a director would be diverted if I were to pick those jobs offered,” he explained. (Precisely how I feel. The dilemma that I faced... Its not about just applying for a job in the film industry if you know what I mean)
Pang even moved to Taiwan to see if there were directorial opportunities there. Small production houses abounded and Pang received many offers, but due to manpower laws there he had to pack up and head back to Singapore two months later.
Seeing their son struggling to get a job in the film industry, his car mechanic father and homemaker mother gently nudged him to consider working in his dad’s workshop, but he has resisted. (I will seriously reconsider it if I will him.. come on family business yoz)
It is not as if he hasn’t been doing good work as a filmmaker. He has produced eight films, five of which have been official selections for international film festivals and two of which have received Best Film accolades. His short film “The Team”, which he wrote, produced, edited and directed, won in the editing and best film categories in ciNE65, a Singapore film competition.
Love of pictures
His dad inculcated in him a love for art and drawing early on. As a kid, Pang used to draw comic books and tried to sell them for $4.50 a booklet. He later first enrolled in Temasek Polytechnic’s Interactive Media Design course wanting to do animation, but he later switched to filmmaking as he found it to be a better platform for storytelling.
As a student, he drew inspiration from Singaporean filmmaker Royston Tan. “Seeing that a fellow Singaporean made the cut and wowed the world with his films made me think that I can do it too. And it’s not like it’s Steven Spielberg. It’s Royston, someone whose success is very relatable,” Pang said.
He aspires to make films that makes his audience think. His films are all centered around human stories and real events that he has experienced.
His other short film “Closer To Me” was inspired by a friend who was diagnosed with last stage cancer. The film was shortlisted for the People’s Choice Award and Jury's Award at the Louis Vuitton Journeys Award and is the only Singaporean filmmaker who has made it to the list of ten.
“Filmmaking is a catharsis for me. I think of death a lot and it makes me appreciate life,” he added.
Pang can throw himself so wholeheartedly into a project that this raises concern among his family.
When working on “ONE”, a short film about a triad’s skirmishes over power and money, he suffered from insomnia and depression from thinking too much about the story. Likening it to a disease that took over him, he thought about the story constantly to the point that he was dreaming about it even during breaks.
“It gets into you, in your life. Everything you think about is how to solve problems and make the film better,” Pang pointed out. (high five bro, I know exactly the feelings!)
“My wife has asked me to take care of myself and rest more because she wants to grow old with me. But I enjoy doing this, or else I wouldn’t stay up that late to think about my stories. I’m enjoying every bit of it,” said the filmmaker, who only gets two to three hours of sleep a day because of the way he works.
It’s a tough industry here
Setbacks, though, have sometimes discouraged him. He has asked himself such questions as: Why are you still doing this when you works are not appreciated or recognised? Why can’t I make this my career? (The market is just too small for now)
“I’m still struggling with these questions and it’s hard to find an answer,” he said. (I asked myself the same thing)
When working on “The Team”, which is about kids in Singapore who love football regardless of race or background, he almost scrapped the project due to a lack of sponsors.
One week before the shoot, his team still could not get any backers so he decided to deplete his savings account to finance the project. He has not regretted doing that because the film turned out to be the most enjoyable filmmaking experience he’s had.
He also enjoyed the support of friends and family, who invested their time and effort to help him out. Some friends from the industry chipped in to provide services for free while some got their kids to act in the film, lowering the cost.
In the end, he spent about $2,000 on the film when it could have easily come up to about $20,000.(as the saying goes we make money to make movies not make movies to make money)
“Many people ask me how much does making the film cost, but it’s a very sensitive question. I can’t answer your question but I can tell you that if I were to commit to it wholly in terms of two months of pre-production and production, and paying every crew, it can cost up to 20k,” he said.
“For something like this to take place, it really is about the team work. Passion is something that is very contagious. It can spread to people and affect them,” he added. (That is exactly right)
The lack of investors and sponsors frustrates Pang, just like it does other artists out there. But he shrugs his shoulders and says, ‘”What can I do about this?”
Pang has been offered opportunities out of Singapore to grow his talents and work on foreign productions. A well-known creative director in China asked Pang if he was interested in moving out to do more.
However, Pang has chosen to stay. Aside from the fact that his family and friends are here, he hopes to make it in Singapore first. He believes that it will be much more difficult to make it big locally, so finding success in the city-state would mark a greater achievement than success overseas.
“People always say if you want to make it big, leave Singapore. Come back to Singapore after you’ve made it in other countries,” he said. “But if you make it in Singapore, you will be the one of who has made it in Singapore despite of the challenges. (This is something that I disagree, the opportunity to go out to experience something different is invaluable . Bring back what's useful and explore collaboration. Only then you can tell better stories and use your influence to help many others... my thoughts)
On being nominated in S9
When Singapore 9 judge Adrian Pang chose Ray Pang as the finalist for the Entertainment category, he said, “It is very important that we champion these solo filmmakers who are trying to put Singapore filmmaking on the global map”.
Ray thanks the judges for picking him and said this sends a message to other aspiring young filmmakers out there to have the courage to develop their passion.
“When they experience setbacks, like when they make a bad film, they will think they’re not talented and not worthy,” he said.
“[They have to] stay true to their dreams, persevere, go for it and don’t look back if you want to be a filmmaker,” he added.
(Thanks for the advice. Sounds like we are in the same frequency. Hope to work with you someday bro, Peace!)
How do Singaporeans define success?
Many define it as having a nice house and a lot of money, but 27-year-old filmmaker Ray Pang has never set that as a standard for himself.
“I think being able to do what you are passionate about and having friends and family to support your dreams is success,” Pang, a finalist for Singapore 9 and whose growing body of films has started to draw attention in Singapore and overseas, told Yahoo! Singapore in an interview on Friday.
(I think being able to do what you are passionate about and living your dream is already a success. To me it doesn't matter if you have the support of friends and family, really)
Despite financial challenges, Pang has persisted in pursuing his vision in filmmaking.
After he earned his bachelor’s degree in film and television in Australia and returned to Singapore last year, he was unemployed for almost a year. He did not think the jobs available would suit him given what he wanted to do.
“The direction towards my goal as a director would be diverted if I were to pick those jobs offered,” he explained. (Precisely how I feel. The dilemma that I faced... Its not about just applying for a job in the film industry if you know what I mean)
Pang even moved to Taiwan to see if there were directorial opportunities there. Small production houses abounded and Pang received many offers, but due to manpower laws there he had to pack up and head back to Singapore two months later.
Seeing their son struggling to get a job in the film industry, his car mechanic father and homemaker mother gently nudged him to consider working in his dad’s workshop, but he has resisted. (I will seriously reconsider it if I will him.. come on family business yoz)
It is not as if he hasn’t been doing good work as a filmmaker. He has produced eight films, five of which have been official selections for international film festivals and two of which have received Best Film accolades. His short film “The Team”, which he wrote, produced, edited and directed, won in the editing and best film categories in ciNE65, a Singapore film competition.
Love of pictures
His dad inculcated in him a love for art and drawing early on. As a kid, Pang used to draw comic books and tried to sell them for $4.50 a booklet. He later first enrolled in Temasek Polytechnic’s Interactive Media Design course wanting to do animation, but he later switched to filmmaking as he found it to be a better platform for storytelling.
As a student, he drew inspiration from Singaporean filmmaker Royston Tan. “Seeing that a fellow Singaporean made the cut and wowed the world with his films made me think that I can do it too. And it’s not like it’s Steven Spielberg. It’s Royston, someone whose success is very relatable,” Pang said.
He aspires to make films that makes his audience think. His films are all centered around human stories and real events that he has experienced.
His other short film “Closer To Me” was inspired by a friend who was diagnosed with last stage cancer. The film was shortlisted for the People’s Choice Award and Jury's Award at the Louis Vuitton Journeys Award and is the only Singaporean filmmaker who has made it to the list of ten.
“Filmmaking is a catharsis for me. I think of death a lot and it makes me appreciate life,” he added.
Pang can throw himself so wholeheartedly into a project that this raises concern among his family.
When working on “ONE”, a short film about a triad’s skirmishes over power and money, he suffered from insomnia and depression from thinking too much about the story. Likening it to a disease that took over him, he thought about the story constantly to the point that he was dreaming about it even during breaks.
“It gets into you, in your life. Everything you think about is how to solve problems and make the film better,” Pang pointed out. (high five bro, I know exactly the feelings!)
“My wife has asked me to take care of myself and rest more because she wants to grow old with me. But I enjoy doing this, or else I wouldn’t stay up that late to think about my stories. I’m enjoying every bit of it,” said the filmmaker, who only gets two to three hours of sleep a day because of the way he works.
It’s a tough industry here
Setbacks, though, have sometimes discouraged him. He has asked himself such questions as: Why are you still doing this when you works are not appreciated or recognised? Why can’t I make this my career? (The market is just too small for now)
“I’m still struggling with these questions and it’s hard to find an answer,” he said. (I asked myself the same thing)
When working on “The Team”, which is about kids in Singapore who love football regardless of race or background, he almost scrapped the project due to a lack of sponsors.
One week before the shoot, his team still could not get any backers so he decided to deplete his savings account to finance the project. He has not regretted doing that because the film turned out to be the most enjoyable filmmaking experience he’s had.
He also enjoyed the support of friends and family, who invested their time and effort to help him out. Some friends from the industry chipped in to provide services for free while some got their kids to act in the film, lowering the cost.
In the end, he spent about $2,000 on the film when it could have easily come up to about $20,000.(as the saying goes we make money to make movies not make movies to make money)
“Many people ask me how much does making the film cost, but it’s a very sensitive question. I can’t answer your question but I can tell you that if I were to commit to it wholly in terms of two months of pre-production and production, and paying every crew, it can cost up to 20k,” he said.
“For something like this to take place, it really is about the team work. Passion is something that is very contagious. It can spread to people and affect them,” he added. (That is exactly right)
The lack of investors and sponsors frustrates Pang, just like it does other artists out there. But he shrugs his shoulders and says, ‘”What can I do about this?”
Pang has been offered opportunities out of Singapore to grow his talents and work on foreign productions. A well-known creative director in China asked Pang if he was interested in moving out to do more.
However, Pang has chosen to stay. Aside from the fact that his family and friends are here, he hopes to make it in Singapore first. He believes that it will be much more difficult to make it big locally, so finding success in the city-state would mark a greater achievement than success overseas.
“People always say if you want to make it big, leave Singapore. Come back to Singapore after you’ve made it in other countries,” he said. “But if you make it in Singapore, you will be the one of who has made it in Singapore despite of the challenges. (This is something that I disagree, the opportunity to go out to experience something different is invaluable . Bring back what's useful and explore collaboration. Only then you can tell better stories and use your influence to help many others... my thoughts)
On being nominated in S9
When Singapore 9 judge Adrian Pang chose Ray Pang as the finalist for the Entertainment category, he said, “It is very important that we champion these solo filmmakers who are trying to put Singapore filmmaking on the global map”.
Ray thanks the judges for picking him and said this sends a message to other aspiring young filmmakers out there to have the courage to develop their passion.
“When they experience setbacks, like when they make a bad film, they will think they’re not talented and not worthy,” he said.
“[They have to] stay true to their dreams, persevere, go for it and don’t look back if you want to be a filmmaker,” he added.
(Thanks for the advice. Sounds like we are in the same frequency. Hope to work with you someday bro, Peace!)
Sheep year or Shit year?
This marks my 41 postings on my blog, an amazing achievement since i started this blog 8 years ago and stop for about 3.5 years in between. I developed a writing habit and began to enjoy it even though frankly i'm not good at languages. Last year has been really a year of lots of ups and downs mentally, emotionally... pretty tough, lots of learning and humbling process, I have grown, I have realized.
Memory of those burnout days still haunt me. I could sense the unpleasantness, I felt depressed, overworked, not restful. Now I could look back and laugh. Very soon I will make a decision. Hopefully I will get used to working life again when the time comes and hopefully my sense of urgency will be there.
These 4 days of cny break haven't been really exciting for me. More disappointing than anything else but I need to learn to move on and move ahead. Peace!
Memory of those burnout days still haunt me. I could sense the unpleasantness, I felt depressed, overworked, not restful. Now I could look back and laugh. Very soon I will make a decision. Hopefully I will get used to working life again when the time comes and hopefully my sense of urgency will be there.
These 4 days of cny break haven't been really exciting for me. More disappointing than anything else but I need to learn to move on and move ahead. Peace!
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Sleep
Finally I'm embarking on my project after CNY which it could be my last short film; purely written, directed, produced and perhaps acted by me. I could never imagained accomplishing so much after I left my job. There were occasional fear, bills, shopping and etc.. that will crept in suddently and caught me worrying in the past 1 year. Yet all this while, I lack nothing. Occasional voices of self-condemnation will arise, telling myself "you are going broke, you are not progressing anywhere as an actor, you want to have a family? Never". It will cause you to feel irresponsible and sometimes I do not know how to answer people when they asked so what do you do everyday as a freelance videographer? I thanked God at least I really enjoyed this period of time. I thanked Him because not many people can do what they loved and still be paid for it. I also tried to feel the peace, joy and love when I'm on set. I know its His favor that I'm selected. Although I have nothing to boast as most of all the roles are nothing worth mentioning, although some of the vids i shot are not broadcast publicly, I finally have more clarity of my priorities in life.
I have been sleeping much. I remember Stephen chow was asked, "When you were still doing small roles on tv and movies, not everyday you get to act, so what do you do most of time?" He answered "Sleep". "So that when the opportunites comes I'm engerised". What he actually said was quite true. Now that I had ample rest, I do realised that it is more easy to wake at 3am for wedding shoot and 5am for call time as opposed to when I had full time job.
Of course sleep was not the only take away from the interview. Stephen Chow mentioned that he spent a great amount of time reading and watching foreign films which means he did a great amount of research. The time came and he seize the opportunity and the rest is history. What seems like his "down" period was actually the period that solid foundation was build upon. Laying the foundation takes the longest time but when it is ready, Boy it will be a time of acceleration.
Not sure what to write now, coz having quite a mixed feeling now, wanted to rest yet on the other hand, I do feel a little excited to start my project, and at a slower pace. In my following post I hope to blog about the topic Acting based on my own research and observation over the years which i also want to document for future reference. Happy CNY:) Cheers!
I have been sleeping much. I remember Stephen chow was asked, "When you were still doing small roles on tv and movies, not everyday you get to act, so what do you do most of time?" He answered "Sleep". "So that when the opportunites comes I'm engerised". What he actually said was quite true. Now that I had ample rest, I do realised that it is more easy to wake at 3am for wedding shoot and 5am for call time as opposed to when I had full time job.
Of course sleep was not the only take away from the interview. Stephen Chow mentioned that he spent a great amount of time reading and watching foreign films which means he did a great amount of research. The time came and he seize the opportunity and the rest is history. What seems like his "down" period was actually the period that solid foundation was build upon. Laying the foundation takes the longest time but when it is ready, Boy it will be a time of acceleration.
Not sure what to write now, coz having quite a mixed feeling now, wanted to rest yet on the other hand, I do feel a little excited to start my project, and at a slower pace. In my following post I hope to blog about the topic Acting based on my own research and observation over the years which i also want to document for future reference. Happy CNY:) Cheers!
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Haircut
So I had nothing to do and I went for a haircut. I went to the usual salon that I visited over the years. To be exact 13 years. 13 years is a long time, and some of the hairstylists had come and go. It was a cozy evening and I had one of the longest serving hairsylists serving me. She is my favorite hairstylist, probably 10-15 years older than me, I dont know her name. She has been there ever since my first visit when I was 15 or 16 years old. There is this uncanny relationship that we have. Not that I have a crush on her but somehow she knew what kind of hairstyle I want and what style suited me. We never exchanged more than 2 lines of words. Our conversation are limited to what occupation i'm in and if i'm busy with my life.
I dont visit the salon all the time and not every time that I visited the salon I will get her to serve me. She might not be around or could be serving her off days. What prompted me to write was today's experience made me realised that this hairsylists that I had, always took longer time than usual to cut my hair. Not that she is slow but she always made more effort and I started to observe her attention to details. I was never bother by it because in today's context, everyone especially guys, want our haircut to be fast which is nothing wrong. But we never really enjoyed the process. After the haircut I felt fresh and good but not only that I felt she is different from many hairsylists. I could feel she really 用心 cut my hair which is different. She dont have to because after all the effort, my hair will grew just the same in the end and I still pay the same money but she did it anyway. Other hairstylists made me felt i'm just another customer, its just another haircut, its just a job, its just a service. I can't explained fully. I wanted to document it down because I hope when the opportunity arises I will like to make an artistic haircut scene much like wong kar wai style set in 60s/70s.
I once watched a food variety show on TV. Its about a unique hawker stalls that sells seafood bak ku teh. The chef shared that before he came out with this unique receipe, he was just selling bak ku teh. It was just like any other average stall. Not doing exceptional well nor bad. One day an Caucasian visited the stall besides his. It was a steamboat hawker, however on that very day the Caucasian visited, it was closed. He was a frequent visiter. He was disappointed because everytime he visits, he would bring along the fishes and seafood he caught to cooked on the steamboat. So he visited the chef stall and order ba ku teh. Then he put all his freshly caught seafood into the ba ku teh. The chef saw what he did and then invented the seafood bak kut teh. What favor! So after sharing his daily routine, recipe and story the host of the show asked, "Uncle so after you shared everything on the show, would you be afraid that people start to copy your recipe?". He answered "No no no I'm not afraid because I 用心 煮". When I heard it I was like wow what confident but at the same time what does he mean by 用心 煮? This puzzled me till now. Is it the attitude? But I know even if someone will to cook the same standard as him, over the years he had build good relationship with his customers, his food has also invoked a certain experience among the people. Thus I know his customers will not drop. Its amazing how sometimes our outlook and attitude in the small things we do can bring about such special experience to the people around us.
This article was written sometime ago but posted today
I dont visit the salon all the time and not every time that I visited the salon I will get her to serve me. She might not be around or could be serving her off days. What prompted me to write was today's experience made me realised that this hairsylists that I had, always took longer time than usual to cut my hair. Not that she is slow but she always made more effort and I started to observe her attention to details. I was never bother by it because in today's context, everyone especially guys, want our haircut to be fast which is nothing wrong. But we never really enjoyed the process. After the haircut I felt fresh and good but not only that I felt she is different from many hairsylists. I could feel she really 用心 cut my hair which is different. She dont have to because after all the effort, my hair will grew just the same in the end and I still pay the same money but she did it anyway. Other hairstylists made me felt i'm just another customer, its just another haircut, its just a job, its just a service. I can't explained fully. I wanted to document it down because I hope when the opportunity arises I will like to make an artistic haircut scene much like wong kar wai style set in 60s/70s.
I once watched a food variety show on TV. Its about a unique hawker stalls that sells seafood bak ku teh. The chef shared that before he came out with this unique receipe, he was just selling bak ku teh. It was just like any other average stall. Not doing exceptional well nor bad. One day an Caucasian visited the stall besides his. It was a steamboat hawker, however on that very day the Caucasian visited, it was closed. He was a frequent visiter. He was disappointed because everytime he visits, he would bring along the fishes and seafood he caught to cooked on the steamboat. So he visited the chef stall and order ba ku teh. Then he put all his freshly caught seafood into the ba ku teh. The chef saw what he did and then invented the seafood bak kut teh. What favor! So after sharing his daily routine, recipe and story the host of the show asked, "Uncle so after you shared everything on the show, would you be afraid that people start to copy your recipe?". He answered "No no no I'm not afraid because I 用心 煮". When I heard it I was like wow what confident but at the same time what does he mean by 用心 煮? This puzzled me till now. Is it the attitude? But I know even if someone will to cook the same standard as him, over the years he had build good relationship with his customers, his food has also invoked a certain experience among the people. Thus I know his customers will not drop. Its amazing how sometimes our outlook and attitude in the small things we do can bring about such special experience to the people around us.
This article was written sometime ago but posted today
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