Don't have much to write for now, posting a little poem that I wrote and hopefully one day it could be written into a song.
Come let us sing
To celebrate our King
He came to redeem our sins
And to once and for all forgive
As I look to the finished work
I know it is not my effort
I boldly run the tireless race
Because of Jesus's unending grace
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year All!
Monday, December 29, 2014
Friday, December 19, 2014
Smart Aleck
Recently I have been a little tired. Have you feel like wanting to advise someone that is older than you but afraid because they might have more life experience that you and then you decided to give your advise or opinion anyway and they just brush it away. Have you tried to advised someone who is younger than you only to found out that they don't take your words seriously. And then you see their circumstances never changed.
Sometimes advising is just a way or gesture for me to help or encourage but most of time they don't want the help. I advised also advised until tired already. I finally decided I shall not take initative to talk through to anyone from now on unless people ask me which, is very unlikely. I'm seriously sick of people who talked so much about their aspiration and then you see them sitting comfortably at their comfort zone not doing anything. Then they say "I know my open doors are coming" "I know God's vision for me is fulfilling" its just "on hold". If they don't even move then God can't direct. At least if they move and went on the wrong direction or become lost, God will still lead them to the right path. Time will keep moving, before they think about it again, years will go by just like that.
Having said that I think I should not worry about these people much less even bother as it is not my problem at all. In the past, as much as I wanted to succeed, I also wanted the people around me to succeed. I need to learn to let go and move on without them and perhaps ignore them. I need to learn not to be too serious and harash with myself.
I hope the next time when I meet up with friends I can just be still and listen to them talk. Just chill and not talk or gossip or complain too much about people. Be presence and just being.
Sometimes advising is just a way or gesture for me to help or encourage but most of time they don't want the help. I advised also advised until tired already. I finally decided I shall not take initative to talk through to anyone from now on unless people ask me which, is very unlikely. I'm seriously sick of people who talked so much about their aspiration and then you see them sitting comfortably at their comfort zone not doing anything. Then they say "I know my open doors are coming" "I know God's vision for me is fulfilling" its just "on hold". If they don't even move then God can't direct. At least if they move and went on the wrong direction or become lost, God will still lead them to the right path. Time will keep moving, before they think about it again, years will go by just like that.
Having said that I think I should not worry about these people much less even bother as it is not my problem at all. In the past, as much as I wanted to succeed, I also wanted the people around me to succeed. I need to learn to let go and move on without them and perhaps ignore them. I need to learn not to be too serious and harash with myself.
I hope the next time when I meet up with friends I can just be still and listen to them talk. Just chill and not talk or gossip or complain too much about people. Be presence and just being.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Past nightmare
Its raining heavily the whole morning and probably till evening the rain will stop so I can't go out or do much so I'm blogging again.
So I went for my driving practical after almost a year of procrastination and 3 years halt. So what happened was when I ord I was very garang and excited about learning driving and I cleared all theory within 2-3 months all through self learning. I didn't have much cash so I decided to pick up practical only after I joined my previously job. But I was very frustrated because back then I was on probation which means I need to work every sat till don't know when which also means I'm only free only on mon-sat evenings and whole of sun.. and after 6-7 months, I decided I better start my practical before my FTT expires. I researched and found out about this private instructor called Steven S**. He has a nice website with tons of testimonial from his students mentioning how grateful they are to him. So I called him and I started learning.
1st lesson he taught how to move off, stop and do U-turn at a deserted car park. 2nd lesson, he drove me to a lim chu kang road and we exchanged seat and he said okie drive. So I started to move off. Along the way he will say "change to gear 2" or "gear 3" and I will be like how? then he will also say "signal left" and I will say the same thing "how?". I could feel his frustration but I wasn't guilty at all. I said "Sir you got to teach me if not I wouldn't know". So he taught me and I drove to kranji dam and I remembered I even drove passed ntu and city harvest church. Along the way whatever comes to his mind he just taught me like how to move off from slope etc.. the pdi was probably in his late 60s to early 70s...his speech was slurred and most of the time I couldn't comprehend what he was teaching. The only thing that he speak very clearly was profanity. Somehow he has the impressions that I know how to drive already or is it all pdi are like that? No structure to his lesson plan as well.
3rd lesson was on a sunday morning. I reached on location but he wasn't there. Called him and he said he had another student that has exactly the same name and surname as me. He had a lesson on the same day but cancelled the lesson so he thought that person was me. So never mind, he said he will come and teach me but needed at least 1-1.5 hour to reached. So throughout that time I waited for him like a fool. I remembered there was an incident where he wanted me to do a lane change which I have no idea how. A stationary car was in front me and I signal but no car allow me to cut in. I attempted to cut in despite the heavy traffic and my pdi took over the steering, stop the car and we exchange the seats. Honestly I don't know what happen and how to handle the situation at that time. He drove me back and on the way he just scolded me, "fuck you la", "chee bye just now the situation dangerous you know", "knn". I was calmed outwardly but deep down I was devastated and I don't know what happen. I remembered when I left the place he even say please go find other pdi.
I talked to my colleagues the next day about the situation and I decided not to go for my next lesson despite the fact that I already paid for it. So I forfeited my money. The pdi was not like what is mentioned in his testimonial... patient, funny and understanding. Totally the opposite. And not appreciative at all despite the fact that I missed my lunch and took a cab down for my first 2 lesson just so I can make it in time for his lesson. The irony was he called me after 3-4 months to asked me if I was interested to learn from him again and I told me nicely no.
My mind is set for school and school it shall be.
So I went for my driving practical after almost a year of procrastination and 3 years halt. So what happened was when I ord I was very garang and excited about learning driving and I cleared all theory within 2-3 months all through self learning. I didn't have much cash so I decided to pick up practical only after I joined my previously job. But I was very frustrated because back then I was on probation which means I need to work every sat till don't know when which also means I'm only free only on mon-sat evenings and whole of sun.. and after 6-7 months, I decided I better start my practical before my FTT expires. I researched and found out about this private instructor called Steven S**. He has a nice website with tons of testimonial from his students mentioning how grateful they are to him. So I called him and I started learning.
1st lesson he taught how to move off, stop and do U-turn at a deserted car park. 2nd lesson, he drove me to a lim chu kang road and we exchanged seat and he said okie drive. So I started to move off. Along the way he will say "change to gear 2" or "gear 3" and I will be like how? then he will also say "signal left" and I will say the same thing "how?". I could feel his frustration but I wasn't guilty at all. I said "Sir you got to teach me if not I wouldn't know". So he taught me and I drove to kranji dam and I remembered I even drove passed ntu and city harvest church. Along the way whatever comes to his mind he just taught me like how to move off from slope etc.. the pdi was probably in his late 60s to early 70s...his speech was slurred and most of the time I couldn't comprehend what he was teaching. The only thing that he speak very clearly was profanity. Somehow he has the impressions that I know how to drive already or is it all pdi are like that? No structure to his lesson plan as well.
3rd lesson was on a sunday morning. I reached on location but he wasn't there. Called him and he said he had another student that has exactly the same name and surname as me. He had a lesson on the same day but cancelled the lesson so he thought that person was me. So never mind, he said he will come and teach me but needed at least 1-1.5 hour to reached. So throughout that time I waited for him like a fool. I remembered there was an incident where he wanted me to do a lane change which I have no idea how. A stationary car was in front me and I signal but no car allow me to cut in. I attempted to cut in despite the heavy traffic and my pdi took over the steering, stop the car and we exchange the seats. Honestly I don't know what happen and how to handle the situation at that time. He drove me back and on the way he just scolded me, "fuck you la", "chee bye just now the situation dangerous you know", "knn". I was calmed outwardly but deep down I was devastated and I don't know what happen. I remembered when I left the place he even say please go find other pdi.
I talked to my colleagues the next day about the situation and I decided not to go for my next lesson despite the fact that I already paid for it. So I forfeited my money. The pdi was not like what is mentioned in his testimonial... patient, funny and understanding. Totally the opposite. And not appreciative at all despite the fact that I missed my lunch and took a cab down for my first 2 lesson just so I can make it in time for his lesson. The irony was he called me after 3-4 months to asked me if I was interested to learn from him again and I told me nicely no.
My mind is set for school and school it shall be.
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Too blessed to be stressed
Perhaps I am really so free these days that I decided to write another post.
Plan for next year by cny will start producing 1 or 2 short film and mid next year will signed up another 1 or 2 courses. Really enjoy the process of "self-discovery", learning new things, and the joy of discovery new methods of doing things, even though sometimes its a tedious process.
Taking a short break this month. I really have to step out in faith, trusting the Lord to hold unto me as I move forward and embracing the new year. This year, I have felt I look better now, as one who has less stress as compared to a few years back. I didn't know that taking such a rest could have such a great impact on how I look. I did have a good rest. I do not have to rush anything, meet any datelines, or seek anyone's approval. Perhaps the only pressure I felt was self-imposed, "so you think you performed well today?". On one occasion, I felt I should get proper job, on another, I think maybe I should continue what I'm doing for another year... Hai?
I'm just a little afraid.. afraid that if life will take on a similar hectic schedule like the past, would I still be "stressed-out" or "burnt-out" again? self condemning myself in the process? Would I have the opportunity to do filming? This really sounds faithless, when one starts turning inwards instead of looking at the Shepherd, almost losing sight of the One who holds my future. Stress and fear come along when I lose sight of my Shepherd.
This is the time of the year again to celebrate Christmas, and once again I'm throwing more things away. Can't believe after throwing so much stuff away last year I'm still left with so much left. This year I doubt I will receive any gifts and in fact some of my presents from previous years are books which I have yet to read. I will try to read them soon.
I have also embark on my driving practical which I will blog about in my next post!
Jesus loves you all! Goodnight
Plan for next year by cny will start producing 1 or 2 short film and mid next year will signed up another 1 or 2 courses. Really enjoy the process of "self-discovery", learning new things, and the joy of discovery new methods of doing things, even though sometimes its a tedious process.
Taking a short break this month. I really have to step out in faith, trusting the Lord to hold unto me as I move forward and embracing the new year. This year, I have felt I look better now, as one who has less stress as compared to a few years back. I didn't know that taking such a rest could have such a great impact on how I look. I did have a good rest. I do not have to rush anything, meet any datelines, or seek anyone's approval. Perhaps the only pressure I felt was self-imposed, "so you think you performed well today?". On one occasion, I felt I should get proper job, on another, I think maybe I should continue what I'm doing for another year... Hai?
I'm just a little afraid.. afraid that if life will take on a similar hectic schedule like the past, would I still be "stressed-out" or "burnt-out" again? self condemning myself in the process? Would I have the opportunity to do filming? This really sounds faithless, when one starts turning inwards instead of looking at the Shepherd, almost losing sight of the One who holds my future. Stress and fear come along when I lose sight of my Shepherd.
This is the time of the year again to celebrate Christmas, and once again I'm throwing more things away. Can't believe after throwing so much stuff away last year I'm still left with so much left. This year I doubt I will receive any gifts and in fact some of my presents from previous years are books which I have yet to read. I will try to read them soon.
I have also embark on my driving practical which I will blog about in my next post!
Jesus loves you all! Goodnight
Time flies
This week marks 1 year since I left my company. Life has been slow and steady for the past few months. There are days where I will go to the stadium for a jog and just observe people. I felt the simplicity of life, simple pleasure, simple things. I was so busy back in my previous job, I felt a certain sense of responsibility, someone that is needed all the time and always have things to do. Perhaps it is called "living the motion" . While it feels good to always have things to do, I actually was too busy to indulge myself in activities like jogging or strolling around the neighborhood to see what people are doing , which seemed a waste of time, sounded so sad indeed.
I was freelancing for an individual that does weddings vids. I really learned a lot from him specially in the area of technical aspects but somehow there was no peace in the process. Always second guessing his thoughts which I realized this is something I hate while working with people. I'm also helping another person doing corporate vids. Somehow I don't learn much because 90-95% shots are static yet I enjoyed the moments I spent with the production team. I have been getting more acting assignments lately and the more I attempt on both aspects (being the videographer and being an actor) the more I realized that I really enjoyed performing rather than being behind the camera these days.
It has been 1 year since, not that I didn't feel the pressure of not working, I do, I felt I should, as a responsible adult, yet at the same time, I am still quite "disillusioned?" I like acting... so how? get a proper job then pursue it part time? Or get a part time and pursue my passion? I know which ever job that I apply, acting and film is still something I will do in a lifetime. My Shepherd please help me!
I was freelancing for an individual that does weddings vids. I really learned a lot from him specially in the area of technical aspects but somehow there was no peace in the process. Always second guessing his thoughts which I realized this is something I hate while working with people. I'm also helping another person doing corporate vids. Somehow I don't learn much because 90-95% shots are static yet I enjoyed the moments I spent with the production team. I have been getting more acting assignments lately and the more I attempt on both aspects (being the videographer and being an actor) the more I realized that I really enjoyed performing rather than being behind the camera these days.
It has been 1 year since, not that I didn't feel the pressure of not working, I do, I felt I should, as a responsible adult, yet at the same time, I am still quite "disillusioned?" I like acting... so how? get a proper job then pursue it part time? Or get a part time and pursue my passion? I know which ever job that I apply, acting and film is still something I will do in a lifetime. My Shepherd please help me!
Friday, August 1, 2014
Trash
After many years of working life, I realised how "Multimedia Infocomm and Technology" is the most useless course in NYP. With tons of unmotivated lecturers. They cannot even teach with conviction. My FYP project consisted of making the impossible possible. Learning a programming language that I was not even taught, much less my specialisation. All that I have learned are not even applicable to my past or present working environment.
Due to the diversity of the course, there is no in-depth learning to the specific component of our module. The fact that many graduates change their education and career path proves that it is a meaningless course. Sorry to burst the bubble of existing students and maybe graduates but I speak the truth.
I give credit to a couple of lecturers like Dickson Lee and James Lau who have taught me but the rest are just fuck.. especially micheal wee which i haven't scolded enough in my 6 years ago blog post. The most memorable experience was probably the nyaa journey in which I was also featured on the school newsletter. Should have drop out a long time ago, invest the course fee on a DSLR and a mac. FML
Due to the diversity of the course, there is no in-depth learning to the specific component of our module. The fact that many graduates change their education and career path proves that it is a meaningless course. Sorry to burst the bubble of existing students and maybe graduates but I speak the truth.
I give credit to a couple of lecturers like Dickson Lee and James Lau who have taught me but the rest are just fuck.. especially micheal wee which i haven't scolded enough in my 6 years ago blog post. The most memorable experience was probably the nyaa journey in which I was also featured on the school newsletter. Should have drop out a long time ago, invest the course fee on a DSLR and a mac. FML
Monday, June 23, 2014
Sibeh Sianz
At age 26, Adam Khoo became one of youngest millionaires in Singapore...
At age 26, Stephen Chow debuted in his first feature film as a main supporting role and won the best supporting actor in golden horse award...
At age 26, David Beckham captained England into the world cup and scored a winning goal against Argentina in the group stages. He became the highest paid footballer at his time and even had the best season in his career scoring 16 goals in 42 games...
At age 26, James Wan directed his first feature film, SAW...
At age 26, my parents got married and not long after I was born....
Why am I mentioning all these? Because they are my inspiration and to a certain extent, people that I admire. Adam Khoo represented wealth, Stephen chow represented acting, Beckham represented pride and glory, James represented directing and my parents represented their commitment to love and family... turning 27 recently, I have yet to achieved anything like them...
I feel very sianz these past few weeks...felt so empty and lost and a sense of anxiety... sometimes I will be staring into blank space for 30mins..It has been a thinking period for me. Will be standing at a crossroad soon. Felt exhausted, and therefore I took a lot of naps these period to stop thinking...
The only time I feel alive and excited is during acting class. It will coming to an end soon in 3 weeks time. Then we have to wait 1 year to take lvl 3 for another 10 lesson. It has been a fun experience so far and sometimes I felt like I'm in Taiwan variety show. There were so many moments of awkwardness and we just burst into laughter=D How I wished poly days were like that... Since I did Lex Talionis, I felt that my acting has improved to another level. But it has been stagnant till I joined the acting class. I'm proud to say I certainly feel my acting has improved further and practicing all the fundamentals of character breakdown for my audition has been my habit now.
I passed my FTT with full marks (yeah!) so after graduating I will be going full speed for my practical lessons and perhaps looking for a temp part time job. Then after getting my license I will be doing my personal short film. Hopefully at least 2. Hopefully by then will be attending lvl 3 acting. That is the plan.
Why anxiety? Because I have recently been very tempted to join this org/co that offers high salary almost 2 times of what I am getting previously and the opportunity to travel around the world. Sounds good? The concern is just that I might not be able to have the opportunity to act anymore. Or at least for 2 years. Kept feeling as though time is running fast away… Kept asking myself, is this what I really want to do? I am really not sure… Keep me in prayer. I know, He will surely show me the way
Completely no idea why am I thinking so far ahead. I was reminded to just enjoy this period while waiting for my breakthrough... I'm glad although my progress is slow as least its happening compare to last year. And the irony is that its happening at a period that I'm resting or having a break. I just felt that the message of theme of the year always speak to me, almost like God is talking to me.
Year 2012 - Year of unceasing fruitfulness, indeed it was a fruitful year that I got to direct and act for Lex Talionis. Then I got to produced 2 more short film and acted for another 1 all for local competition and won small achievement:) Next was being involved in ABTM and got to attend a scripting class. All these despite my busy schedule at work.
Year 2013 - Key of David. Yes God shut the door that are no good to me and slowly lead me out of my co. I was put through many experiences that confirmed my decision. Being able to serve for outreach and mission trips. Joined church cg. All of sudden many open doors are before me such as joining my acting class with new found friends and many small acting opportunity.
Year 2014 - Year of Greater Glory. This year I have been put through many tough situation to build my character up. Sometimes the disappointment can be great yet at other times the fulfillment is indescribable. What I have learned is that never be too comfortable, keep pushing myself, see the supply flow from God. Jesus will see us through. I was reminded once again these are days of acceleration. How true, I can feel it. Jesus remove the sian-ness in me! And show me the way!
At age 26, Stephen Chow debuted in his first feature film as a main supporting role and won the best supporting actor in golden horse award...
At age 26, David Beckham captained England into the world cup and scored a winning goal against Argentina in the group stages. He became the highest paid footballer at his time and even had the best season in his career scoring 16 goals in 42 games...
At age 26, James Wan directed his first feature film, SAW...
At age 26, my parents got married and not long after I was born....
Why am I mentioning all these? Because they are my inspiration and to a certain extent, people that I admire. Adam Khoo represented wealth, Stephen chow represented acting, Beckham represented pride and glory, James represented directing and my parents represented their commitment to love and family... turning 27 recently, I have yet to achieved anything like them...
I feel very sianz these past few weeks...felt so empty and lost and a sense of anxiety... sometimes I will be staring into blank space for 30mins..It has been a thinking period for me. Will be standing at a crossroad soon. Felt exhausted, and therefore I took a lot of naps these period to stop thinking...
The only time I feel alive and excited is during acting class. It will coming to an end soon in 3 weeks time. Then we have to wait 1 year to take lvl 3 for another 10 lesson. It has been a fun experience so far and sometimes I felt like I'm in Taiwan variety show. There were so many moments of awkwardness and we just burst into laughter=D How I wished poly days were like that... Since I did Lex Talionis, I felt that my acting has improved to another level. But it has been stagnant till I joined the acting class. I'm proud to say I certainly feel my acting has improved further and practicing all the fundamentals of character breakdown for my audition has been my habit now.
I passed my FTT with full marks (yeah!) so after graduating I will be going full speed for my practical lessons and perhaps looking for a temp part time job. Then after getting my license I will be doing my personal short film. Hopefully at least 2. Hopefully by then will be attending lvl 3 acting. That is the plan.
Why anxiety? Because I have recently been very tempted to join this org/co that offers high salary almost 2 times of what I am getting previously and the opportunity to travel around the world. Sounds good? The concern is just that I might not be able to have the opportunity to act anymore. Or at least for 2 years. Kept feeling as though time is running fast away… Kept asking myself, is this what I really want to do? I am really not sure… Keep me in prayer. I know, He will surely show me the way
Completely no idea why am I thinking so far ahead. I was reminded to just enjoy this period while waiting for my breakthrough... I'm glad although my progress is slow as least its happening compare to last year. And the irony is that its happening at a period that I'm resting or having a break. I just felt that the message of theme of the year always speak to me, almost like God is talking to me.
Year 2012 - Year of unceasing fruitfulness, indeed it was a fruitful year that I got to direct and act for Lex Talionis. Then I got to produced 2 more short film and acted for another 1 all for local competition and won small achievement:) Next was being involved in ABTM and got to attend a scripting class. All these despite my busy schedule at work.
Year 2013 - Key of David. Yes God shut the door that are no good to me and slowly lead me out of my co. I was put through many experiences that confirmed my decision. Being able to serve for outreach and mission trips. Joined church cg. All of sudden many open doors are before me such as joining my acting class with new found friends and many small acting opportunity.
Year 2014 - Year of Greater Glory. This year I have been put through many tough situation to build my character up. Sometimes the disappointment can be great yet at other times the fulfillment is indescribable. What I have learned is that never be too comfortable, keep pushing myself, see the supply flow from God. Jesus will see us through. I was reminded once again these are days of acceleration. How true, I can feel it. Jesus remove the sian-ness in me! And show me the way!
Monday, April 7, 2014
Little things little progress
Over the pass 2 months I have...
...killed more than 20 mosquitoes
...killed more than 100 bed bugs!
... failed my mock FTT test
... attended an acting academy
... completed my IPT and RT
After a quarter thru 2014, question to myself is...
Have I achieved my goals that I set out to do?
Have I given my best for people around me?
What are the things I could have done better?
Been 2 months into my acting course and its so fun! I'm so blessed to have great classmates who are all passionate and positive about acting:) And our various instructors and mentors are all so funny and humorous. Did a monologue for our class test. I was quite satisfied with my performance as I really put much focus through the week to internalize the character. My classmates did well too. Only thing I was not very happy is I look quite ugly on screen which I have no idea why. Some film I appear fine and some film I really look crap.haha
My whole class just went for an audition. Although I don't really appreciate local drama alot but I was damn nervous and in fact I think screwed up badly for the audition. Some of my classmates did well and was really well liked by the casting directors and I'm just happy for them. It makes me want to work even harder and I have no idea why I feel so down. Not that I'm envy or jealous of the favour they had but more of self condemning myself that I should have done better. I guess I'm neurotic.
Coming week will be tough... have to study for driving theory mock test, got a shoot, got class and just learned the passing for a dear army and church friend. Hard to express how I feel now. Plus the mood from the audition really makes me so moody=(
...killed more than 20 mosquitoes
...killed more than 100 bed bugs!
... failed my mock FTT test
... attended an acting academy
... completed my IPT and RT
After a quarter thru 2014, question to myself is...
Have I achieved my goals that I set out to do?
Have I given my best for people around me?
What are the things I could have done better?
Been 2 months into my acting course and its so fun! I'm so blessed to have great classmates who are all passionate and positive about acting:) And our various instructors and mentors are all so funny and humorous. Did a monologue for our class test. I was quite satisfied with my performance as I really put much focus through the week to internalize the character. My classmates did well too. Only thing I was not very happy is I look quite ugly on screen which I have no idea why. Some film I appear fine and some film I really look crap.haha
My whole class just went for an audition. Although I don't really appreciate local drama alot but I was damn nervous and in fact I think screwed up badly for the audition. Some of my classmates did well and was really well liked by the casting directors and I'm just happy for them. It makes me want to work even harder and I have no idea why I feel so down. Not that I'm envy or jealous of the favour they had but more of self condemning myself that I should have done better. I guess I'm neurotic.
Coming week will be tough... have to study for driving theory mock test, got a shoot, got class and just learned the passing for a dear army and church friend. Hard to express how I feel now. Plus the mood from the audition really makes me so moody=(
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Finding Grace
What have I been up to recently for the past 1 month? Been studying and researching about film actually. Despite the lack of opportunity still with audition I still do some work to understand the essence of film. Acting to me has strange therapeutic effect, it has the ability to relax my mind, and I really enjoy the process, of being on set, creating characters out of imagination, improvising diagolue etc.. I pray that God will teach me to rest during this period, with no agenda attached as I truly have no one to impress this time round except perhaps myself!
Life has taken a slower space allowing me to see the details which I cannot do so during my hectic and distracted lifestyle.
I would like to take this opportunity to write about my church life. I attended church when I was very young. Probably around the age of 5? My grandparents actually brought me to church back then. I think the church was called church of Singapore and we would actually take bus 31. It felt like long bus ride back then. And I think my grandparents actually was baptized there. Not long after for some reason I joined church of ascension which I have no idea why I ended up there. Probably at that time the church was reaching out to my primary school. My grandparents attended CHS too. Then my grandfather passed away when I was 8. At age 9 occasionally after my sunday school service I will drop by chs and wait for my grandmother's Chinese service to finish before going back for lunch.
It was at that time that I realized my primary school classmate, X was actually attending that church as well. We spoke chinese and were neighbours in fact. We have many things in common and I decided to join my grandmother for service instead. The full time staff at that time decided to put me on chinese sunday school. There were only about less than 10 of us back then and I got to know many people which I could connect.The sunday school teachers encourage us to join English sunday school in the morning and at noon we will attend chinese sunday school. It was just fun and play back then.
When I was about 12. Pastor T which was the chinese congre pastor at that time wanted to form a chinese youth group and I was pulled by him to join. I think it was at this age that I started to questioned many things about Christianity. I learned to be obedient, faithful and strive to be righteous in my life so that Daddy God will be please with me and bless me.
The youth group had about 20+ ppl that time mainly made up 3-4 guys and the rest are girls. I made a lot of wonderful friends within this group which the relationship I still hold dear till this day. X which was my sunday friend backslided from church back then not long after the youth group was formed. (although we were in the cca in sec school). Den which was also from the sunday school batch was older than me by 2 years. He was everyone role model from sunday school to the youth group. He is smart, good looking, play the drum, studied in a prestigious school. Every girl's prince but lo and behold he has shortcoming too. Dar was the most popular and funny guy in the group which actually made him more charming than the rest of us guys. To this day he is still single. which I have no idea why.
The youth service runs for about 2-3 years by Pastor personally. Every week we have P&W then deep bible study sessions from books materials. Every other week we would hang out after youth service from 2-3pm onwards till late7-8pm. Once a year we will have a camp where every morning and evening we have bible study sessions and we had games, outing and barbecue in between. Sometime we will disturb one another about who has a crush on who. It was so much fun and every year I would look forward to it.
At around 15, our English youth wasn't doing well. Infact many youth left due to a revolt. The only remaining left was less than 10 and I heard previously they had about 100+ of them. Pastor T at that time took over the leadership of the English congre as well as the youth. As our chinese youth progress some became not too active and new friends joined us. To boost the morale, Pastor wanted to combined the youth group into 1 entity instead. When the youth camp came, the English youth took over the planning as they reach out to the boys brigade in the sec scool as well but only 2 people from the chinese youth were elected to be in the committee. There were misunderstanding and miscommunication here and there although nothing has resulted in any aggressive confrontation.
As a chinese youth back then we will still close because youth service runs on every sat but we still have our cell group during weekdays. And we still hang out after church service on sun. Pastor hand over the running of our cell to Zhu, who was older than me by 12 years old. By right he should have graduated from the youth but he became our youth leader and disciple us.
During late 2003 to 2004, my school and church needed to relocate because they wanted to build a village, combining the kindergarten, primary, secondary and jc together. Our church actually was using another church premises and I think in between some people left the church due to inconvenience. During this time, it was the most important phase our lives as we will preparing for O level and A level. Of course hang out and fellowship became less frequent.
Zhu at time was engaged and together with his spouse couldn't come to a solution which church to attend so they decided to move to a church that both are not familiar with. Pastor T decided to hand over cg to Sue's parents. Sue is our cg member and I really look up to her parents too. In 2005 when we moved back to our original premises Pastor T announced that he is going for studies. Moving on to Scotland for his phd. Somehow he has been an inspiration to me and being naïve I would always think after 4 years he will be back but that is not true.
We had cg after church service but there was no P&W anymore. Cg is run by everyone of us, different person each week. It was like that for a year or so till I was 18. Cg was down to 10-12 of us and rarely we have full attendance. It was this point of time that only Den and I are in chinese service. I picked the bass and was serving every week. HH plays the piano and attends service only when she is serving and don't join us for cg anymore. Most of them attend English service due to various reason. Some moved on due to following their dates, parents or just backslide because they are too busy with school and other commitment.
One fine day we did not received any news about upcoming cg meeting anymore. For months, we did not bother and after that realized Sue's parents have moved on to another church. It was really shocking to me because for the rest of the cg they just have to join the youth adult cg in the English congre. For me and Den we will shepherdless. Den and I have been very close since then or maybe few years before that during his army days.
Every sunday after service we became the only 2 that hang out together going for movie, shopping or just see see look look different place or find a nice place to eat. I got to know a lot of his friends and we were very close as we talk about almost everything. I vaguely remember in 2007 one sunday we were in suntec shopping or eating. We saw a large crowd queuing outside rock auditorium and we knew it was new creation church as we have visited 1-2 times before. We decided to just joined in the queue and attend the service. I remember there wasn't enough seats and we were seated on the floor but I was blessed by the sermon. I didn't really understand the gospel. Church to me at this point is really just a family to me, blessings me to learn guitar, sending me to combined youth church camp as a youth leader.
When I was drafted to army, I attend ncc service like once a month. It was difficult time because for 2 years chs did not have a pastor. And after every sunday serving, we had to have quick lunch then attend ncc for their 3rd service. When I joined my previous company we attended ncc more frequent almost 2 times a month. I also did bible study with my colleagues and their church friends. That is where different denomination and school of thoughts take place. I needed to make a stand. I find that Pastor Prince place his argument very well. I returned to chs to confront the new pastor as I couldn't stand his heck care attitude towards the congre and after a year nothing was done and so I left chs totally. To my surprise nobody called me. I have been attending ncc ever since couple with many of my previous company devo teaching I really learn a lot about Daddy God and his unending love.
I left chs at the time that Den got attached and I learned that he has moved on to another church as well. Pastor Prince's teaching has impacted my life and perspective of God although sometimes it is hard attending church service alone for the past 2 years. Nowadays I will noticed that I'm slipping in Pastor Prince teaching into my everyday conversation. True evangelism is sharing one's life testimony. I do find it hard back then to evangelize through community event. My whole life I have been finding grace but Grace which is the gospel which is Jesus which is love, found me instead. Thus the title of my post. This overview of my church life has shown me that nothing is coincidence. This has been a lengthy post and I shall end off here.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose".Romans 8:28
Life has taken a slower space allowing me to see the details which I cannot do so during my hectic and distracted lifestyle.
I would like to take this opportunity to write about my church life. I attended church when I was very young. Probably around the age of 5? My grandparents actually brought me to church back then. I think the church was called church of Singapore and we would actually take bus 31. It felt like long bus ride back then. And I think my grandparents actually was baptized there. Not long after for some reason I joined church of ascension which I have no idea why I ended up there. Probably at that time the church was reaching out to my primary school. My grandparents attended CHS too. Then my grandfather passed away when I was 8. At age 9 occasionally after my sunday school service I will drop by chs and wait for my grandmother's Chinese service to finish before going back for lunch.
It was at that time that I realized my primary school classmate, X was actually attending that church as well. We spoke chinese and were neighbours in fact. We have many things in common and I decided to join my grandmother for service instead. The full time staff at that time decided to put me on chinese sunday school. There were only about less than 10 of us back then and I got to know many people which I could connect.The sunday school teachers encourage us to join English sunday school in the morning and at noon we will attend chinese sunday school. It was just fun and play back then.
When I was about 12. Pastor T which was the chinese congre pastor at that time wanted to form a chinese youth group and I was pulled by him to join. I think it was at this age that I started to questioned many things about Christianity. I learned to be obedient, faithful and strive to be righteous in my life so that Daddy God will be please with me and bless me.
The youth group had about 20+ ppl that time mainly made up 3-4 guys and the rest are girls. I made a lot of wonderful friends within this group which the relationship I still hold dear till this day. X which was my sunday friend backslided from church back then not long after the youth group was formed. (although we were in the cca in sec school). Den which was also from the sunday school batch was older than me by 2 years. He was everyone role model from sunday school to the youth group. He is smart, good looking, play the drum, studied in a prestigious school. Every girl's prince but lo and behold he has shortcoming too. Dar was the most popular and funny guy in the group which actually made him more charming than the rest of us guys. To this day he is still single. which I have no idea why.
The youth service runs for about 2-3 years by Pastor personally. Every week we have P&W then deep bible study sessions from books materials. Every other week we would hang out after youth service from 2-3pm onwards till late7-8pm. Once a year we will have a camp where every morning and evening we have bible study sessions and we had games, outing and barbecue in between. Sometime we will disturb one another about who has a crush on who. It was so much fun and every year I would look forward to it.
At around 15, our English youth wasn't doing well. Infact many youth left due to a revolt. The only remaining left was less than 10 and I heard previously they had about 100+ of them. Pastor T at that time took over the leadership of the English congre as well as the youth. As our chinese youth progress some became not too active and new friends joined us. To boost the morale, Pastor wanted to combined the youth group into 1 entity instead. When the youth camp came, the English youth took over the planning as they reach out to the boys brigade in the sec scool as well but only 2 people from the chinese youth were elected to be in the committee. There were misunderstanding and miscommunication here and there although nothing has resulted in any aggressive confrontation.
As a chinese youth back then we will still close because youth service runs on every sat but we still have our cell group during weekdays. And we still hang out after church service on sun. Pastor hand over the running of our cell to Zhu, who was older than me by 12 years old. By right he should have graduated from the youth but he became our youth leader and disciple us.
During late 2003 to 2004, my school and church needed to relocate because they wanted to build a village, combining the kindergarten, primary, secondary and jc together. Our church actually was using another church premises and I think in between some people left the church due to inconvenience. During this time, it was the most important phase our lives as we will preparing for O level and A level. Of course hang out and fellowship became less frequent.
Zhu at time was engaged and together with his spouse couldn't come to a solution which church to attend so they decided to move to a church that both are not familiar with. Pastor T decided to hand over cg to Sue's parents. Sue is our cg member and I really look up to her parents too. In 2005 when we moved back to our original premises Pastor T announced that he is going for studies. Moving on to Scotland for his phd. Somehow he has been an inspiration to me and being naïve I would always think after 4 years he will be back but that is not true.
We had cg after church service but there was no P&W anymore. Cg is run by everyone of us, different person each week. It was like that for a year or so till I was 18. Cg was down to 10-12 of us and rarely we have full attendance. It was this point of time that only Den and I are in chinese service. I picked the bass and was serving every week. HH plays the piano and attends service only when she is serving and don't join us for cg anymore. Most of them attend English service due to various reason. Some moved on due to following their dates, parents or just backslide because they are too busy with school and other commitment.
One fine day we did not received any news about upcoming cg meeting anymore. For months, we did not bother and after that realized Sue's parents have moved on to another church. It was really shocking to me because for the rest of the cg they just have to join the youth adult cg in the English congre. For me and Den we will shepherdless. Den and I have been very close since then or maybe few years before that during his army days.
Every sunday after service we became the only 2 that hang out together going for movie, shopping or just see see look look different place or find a nice place to eat. I got to know a lot of his friends and we were very close as we talk about almost everything. I vaguely remember in 2007 one sunday we were in suntec shopping or eating. We saw a large crowd queuing outside rock auditorium and we knew it was new creation church as we have visited 1-2 times before. We decided to just joined in the queue and attend the service. I remember there wasn't enough seats and we were seated on the floor but I was blessed by the sermon. I didn't really understand the gospel. Church to me at this point is really just a family to me, blessings me to learn guitar, sending me to combined youth church camp as a youth leader.
When I was drafted to army, I attend ncc service like once a month. It was difficult time because for 2 years chs did not have a pastor. And after every sunday serving, we had to have quick lunch then attend ncc for their 3rd service. When I joined my previous company we attended ncc more frequent almost 2 times a month. I also did bible study with my colleagues and their church friends. That is where different denomination and school of thoughts take place. I needed to make a stand. I find that Pastor Prince place his argument very well. I returned to chs to confront the new pastor as I couldn't stand his heck care attitude towards the congre and after a year nothing was done and so I left chs totally. To my surprise nobody called me. I have been attending ncc ever since couple with many of my previous company devo teaching I really learn a lot about Daddy God and his unending love.
I left chs at the time that Den got attached and I learned that he has moved on to another church as well. Pastor Prince's teaching has impacted my life and perspective of God although sometimes it is hard attending church service alone for the past 2 years. Nowadays I will noticed that I'm slipping in Pastor Prince teaching into my everyday conversation. True evangelism is sharing one's life testimony. I do find it hard back then to evangelize through community event. My whole life I have been finding grace but Grace which is the gospel which is Jesus which is love, found me instead. Thus the title of my post. This overview of my church life has shown me that nothing is coincidence. This has been a lengthy post and I shall end off here.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose".Romans 8:28
Monday, January 13, 2014
Will You Go Out Without Knowing?
Hebrews 11:8
He went out, not knowing where he was going
Have you ever "gone out" in this way? If so, there is no logical answer possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is "What do you expect to do?" You don't know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to "go out" in every area of your life, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in constant wonder, because you don't know what God is going to do next. Each morning as you wake, there is a new opportunity to "go out," building your confidence in God. ".. do not worry about your life... nor about the body... " "Luke 12:22. In other words, don't worry about the things that concerned you before you did "go out."
Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do--- He reveals to you who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you "go out" in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?
Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him. Then think how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is! Let the attitude of your life be a continued willingness to "go out" in dependence upon God, and your life will have a sacred and inexpressible charm about it that is very satisfying to Jesus, You must learn to "go out" through your convictions, creeds, or experiences until you come to the point in your faith where there is nothing between yourself and God
(Extracted from "My Utmost For His Highest" by Oswald Chambers)
He went out, not knowing where he was going
Have you ever "gone out" in this way? If so, there is no logical answer possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is "What do you expect to do?" You don't know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to "go out" in every area of your life, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in constant wonder, because you don't know what God is going to do next. Each morning as you wake, there is a new opportunity to "go out," building your confidence in God. ".. do not worry about your life... nor about the body... " "Luke 12:22. In other words, don't worry about the things that concerned you before you did "go out."
Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do--- He reveals to you who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you "go out" in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?
Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him. Then think how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is! Let the attitude of your life be a continued willingness to "go out" in dependence upon God, and your life will have a sacred and inexpressible charm about it that is very satisfying to Jesus, You must learn to "go out" through your convictions, creeds, or experiences until you come to the point in your faith where there is nothing between yourself and God
(Extracted from "My Utmost For His Highest" by Oswald Chambers)
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Angry Mob
In relation to the recent little india riot, would like to quote some part of the article from a book I read.
Why Mobs Become Angry
An angry mob or group of protestors fighting for a mutual purpose does not react in the same way as an individual does when his territory is invaded; in fact, something very different occurs. As the density of the crowd increases, each individual has less personal space and starters to feel hostile, which is why, as the size of the mob increases, it becomes angrier and uglier and fights may break out. The police try to break up the crowd so that each person can regain his own personal space and become calmer.
Only in recent years have governments and town planners begun to understand the effect that high density housing projects have in depriving individuals of their personal territory. The consequences of high density living and overcrowding were seen in a study of the deer population on James Island, an island about a mile (2km) off the coast of Maryland in Chesapeake Bay in the United States. Many of the deer were dying in large numbers, despite the fact that at the time there was plenty of food, predators were not evident and infection was not present. Similar studies in earlier years with rats and rabbits revealed the same trend and further investigation showed that the deer has died as a result of overactive adrenal glands, resulting from stress caused by the degradation of each deer's personal territory as the population increased. The adrenal glands play an important part in the regulation of growth, reproduction and the level of the body's defences. A physiological reaction to the stress of over population had caused the deaths, not starvation, infection or aggression from others. They is why areas that have the highest human population density also have the highest crime and violence rates.
Interrogators use territorial invasion techniques to break down resistance of criminals being questioned. They seat the criminal on an armless, fixed chair in an open area of the room and encroach into his intimate and close Intimate Zones when asking questions, remaining there until he answers. It often takes only a short while for this territorial harassment to break down the crimina's resistance....
"One of our deepest urges is the desire to own land, This compulsion comes from the fact that it gives us the space freedom we need."
I believed many factors added to the severity of the riot. With Singapore getting more crowded than before I think its the reason why we are witnessing more protests, more crime rates and more hostile people around. I hope God will provide divine wisdom to help our leaders solve the problem and not divert/curb/ isolate (whatever you call it) it.
Why Mobs Become Angry
An angry mob or group of protestors fighting for a mutual purpose does not react in the same way as an individual does when his territory is invaded; in fact, something very different occurs. As the density of the crowd increases, each individual has less personal space and starters to feel hostile, which is why, as the size of the mob increases, it becomes angrier and uglier and fights may break out. The police try to break up the crowd so that each person can regain his own personal space and become calmer.
Only in recent years have governments and town planners begun to understand the effect that high density housing projects have in depriving individuals of their personal territory. The consequences of high density living and overcrowding were seen in a study of the deer population on James Island, an island about a mile (2km) off the coast of Maryland in Chesapeake Bay in the United States. Many of the deer were dying in large numbers, despite the fact that at the time there was plenty of food, predators were not evident and infection was not present. Similar studies in earlier years with rats and rabbits revealed the same trend and further investigation showed that the deer has died as a result of overactive adrenal glands, resulting from stress caused by the degradation of each deer's personal territory as the population increased. The adrenal glands play an important part in the regulation of growth, reproduction and the level of the body's defences. A physiological reaction to the stress of over population had caused the deaths, not starvation, infection or aggression from others. They is why areas that have the highest human population density also have the highest crime and violence rates.
Interrogators use territorial invasion techniques to break down resistance of criminals being questioned. They seat the criminal on an armless, fixed chair in an open area of the room and encroach into his intimate and close Intimate Zones when asking questions, remaining there until he answers. It often takes only a short while for this territorial harassment to break down the crimina's resistance....
"One of our deepest urges is the desire to own land, This compulsion comes from the fact that it gives us the space freedom we need."
I believed many factors added to the severity of the riot. With Singapore getting more crowded than before I think its the reason why we are witnessing more protests, more crime rates and more hostile people around. I hope God will provide divine wisdom to help our leaders solve the problem and not divert/curb/ isolate (whatever you call it) it.
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